it's three days into the new year... been funked up in old school late night bashing that burns deep into my sleep and wallet... well always wanna call home... wanna hear that voice of my sister, and know that Mom's fine... just that!

anyway i called a minute ago... Mom worked today, and i thought she wouldn't be home by midnight... apparently she'd been back since 8... i felt happy, as Mom sounded genuinely happy to hear my voice...

if only i could hang up right then... cuz i know as we talk on, i would be so guilt ridden i might just close my eyes and imagine myself in a far away land where i am understood... Mom said the same things that i once loved to hear... but cruelty seemed to creep in between the lines...

disclaimer: Mom loves me. the hurt isn't her intention... just that i've been this fucked up son who's been committing legally unwritten crimes against myself... and for that i gotta be strong and undo what's done...

In for a change, I am!