i went for this talk on Islam and Pluralism... the speaker was from some central european country i think. that's not the main point though. i couldn't really get what he was talking about. wanted to ask a questions but decided not to, hahaha.

anyway, the prof mentioned something about the privatisation of religions at the end of the Q&A. i was thinking, why not personalisation? ... he was saying, as not everyone could accept a religious dogma in its totality, why not having a few sets of ethics and beliefs that could be accepted and abided by by some people and not by others?

i think that's what he's talking about... anyway, then i started wondering, doesn't that sound a lot like free thinking agnostics? hahaha...

well i've been going to talks like that pretty often... but i don't think i get much out of it... maybe i'm not fit to listen to their discussion hahaha... i'm so humble...

yesterday my BGS prof wasn't around... so we were watching The Corporation, this boring documentary that kinda enlightened me on known facts that i more often than not choose to ignore... as even if i care about how Nike sewers must work in such a programmed in order to earn the 10 cents they need for their huge families, i can't do much about it... yet maybe...

people go read 50 facts that should change the world k...

i wonder when i would start to have interesting classes... next semester i'll still have preassigned classes... though i think i could bid for 1 or 2 more of my choice.

and i wanna go Japan for my exchange program... don't laugh... i'm gonna take Jap soon soon... and i'm gonna pick a program in English... hahaha...

waiting for tonight...

me, Brian and Richard all ordered Galilee Special for lunch. and we were sitting at the same place. and somehow i had some faint idea the server might think we're gay. and i asked her about it. and she was all worked up saying no. hahaha.

anyway, BGS meeting after lunch was bad. not too much as i left my phone with Wendi (she's a volunteer at the SIngapore Biennale at SMU) and the group couldn't quite contact me. but that we couldn't progress much. i'm worried.

i'm also worried that i can't pass the 2 upcoming maths tests. really.

and i'm not doing anything for SA campaign.

well our social science group decide that we're all overworked here, and that we like the people but not the school. i said if they wanna know how to slack with no worries about school work, approach me.

i don't know if i should be glad having that ability. i could slack for days even when every one in the right mind around me are SMUgging... oh well, perhaps i think i can still make it later. hahaha. but this time is very different. i doubt i could.

gonna go to a talk on Islam and Pluralism with Wacky after this. she's having her pedicure done and i refused to go with her. hahaha.

i wanna say our bracelet looks good on me.

i came to school early... way too early considering i slept at 2am last night... don't know why i hit the bed so late... there wasn't anything to do... actually there always is quite some bit of school work... but i'm determined not to be a conformist and succumb to school pressure to do all those uninteresting stuff... yes i am...

until i find something interesting to do, that's when i get to pick the modules i want, i don't think i could score anything above 3.4 :( that'd be a very sad case, but i have no motivation to do whatever that goes on now... hahaha...

anyway, i feel a bit tired today... perhaps too little sleep... i hope i don't fall sick... it'd be so miserable... i wanna crash NTU this coming weekend... but then my BGS group might have to finalise our proposal on saturday... sucks...

oh last night was so fun, when me, Brian, Richard and Felicia chilled out all over the place... Frujch played better music that day... and i rocked at XBox, at least better than i'd expected hahaha... and my pools is getting a bit better too...

anyway, we talked funny thing, serious thing, cool thing and dirty thing... Brian looked like he wanted to throw up at times hahaha...

i was very sleepy, until someone went online and revived me...

i think i'm gonna go home early to complete the math homework, not for me, but for the group and my AS worksheet as well...

saturday night was simply wonderful, though i stayed up the whole night, when everyone else in the house was sleeping, and snoring. i didn't even notice the break of dawn till the morning light shone into the room.

me and the group sent Tu and Thach off sunday morning... meeting some others at the airport as well... and they were behaving as if it was a gang fight... anyway, they're the 2nd and 3rd going to the UK that i've sent off.

and Val is leaving tonight. don't know if Tiang Lim would come to the airport. i might go if he is. i felt so bad missing the farewell lunch the other day.

anyway i watched Friends sunday night. and i'm loving it... think Pat has the complete set... gotta nag at her for it...

i wish we could live under one roof in different rooms that have no boundaries the way we did, and talk nonsense about nothing, and watch TV, and do laundry, and laugh.

and the fact that university doesn't come out as what i thought doesn't help at all. no intellectual discussion. no passionate opinions. no close interactions. no direction. eeee, what's that all about?

i successfully recovered from the fatigue of Zouk... had like 12 hours of sleep just now and a simple but filling lunch... followed by cartoons on Kids Central... hahaha... wasn't my intention but there was little to do anyway...

i was pretty surprised i could endure the long yesterday, all the way from 8am to 11pm, with only 2 hours of sleep the night before, or rather the morning itself. though i had to go to the restroom constantly during the day to wash my face...

oh the dinner with Brian and Felicia (Richard had to leave cuz his buddy was flying off today) was good. we laughed so much over so many things. thanks guys; i haven't had that kinda laughter for quite some time.

anyway, today's so random cuz everything just pops up randomly... and i'm behaving randomly as well... like my uncle called to see if i could come to his place tomorrow. then Angeline messaged saying that she can't come down tomorrow. then i got news that Thach and Tu (my Viet friends) are transitting here for the night. when i told my sister last night that i'd wanna come to Dunman today... and Janice asked if we could study this evening. err...

so random that i just grabbed something from my wardrobe and got out of the room... i'm gonna meet my Viet friends for the first time in sooo long looking unglam...

well i kinda miss the old times...

and i already have a lot of miss these days...

anyway i'm in SMU now. supposed to print out some online assignment. i'm determined to change. Brian's friend told him i'm the only one coming to class empty handed... such a bad impression.

i thought it'd be huge fun, as i like clubbing and the people going were cool and Ying Herng came for dinner before we entered the club, and especially when the last time at MOS wasn't fun and i hadn't clubbed for quite some time.

but then the music wasn't right. and the crowd wasn't right. my friend told me this morning that there were many girls, and many gays. hmm... speaking of girls, all the girls in the group were picked up... with funny pick up lines... i wonder if they enjoyed it... lol...

and clubbing at Zouk didn't lift my mood as much as i'd expected... oh well...

still, we stayed till late and left for supper at boat quay... had some mee xoang (i'm pretty sure the spelling is un-right, but i don't know how else to say it)...

the cabbie kept saying my place was too near to boat quay. i kinda pitied him. he could've been a richer man had the NUS group entered his cab. but they let me go first, as i was leaving alone.

there were still remnants of energy left for me to complete my homework due this morning... actually i copied the entire thing... i slept at 6... and woke up at 8... and i had no idea why my alarm clock didn't ring, or at least i don't remember it rang... i'd set it at 7:15 before sleeping...

i was kinda late, so i rushed out of the house and forgot to bring my jacket... not the pink one, but the black with hot pink linings... it was so cold during class... i wonder how people could take 9 degrees and all.

i'm filling in my SA elections form now. gonna submit it before 4pm. or i'm out. waiting for my seconders to be done with class and come join me. quick guys...

anyway, i'm a little bit happier now :) and i cried feeling happy.

P/S: Lusi says she's joining the runSMU team or something. man, why's everyone so athletic these days? except me...

yay, i'm not a Pulau Ubin virgin anymore... :) and it's a great urban escape place, where you won't miss the scent of tropical exoticness... though not as much as that in Vietnam's rural lands... hahaha...

anyway, i'm doing fine for my analytical skills class... though i got marks deducted for a paper for which i got a full score, cuz i handed in late... hic...

i'm going to the UN SA election later...

and Felicia and her friend sang real well just now... i hope they win :)

i just checked mail. and Lan Anh said she dreamt about me the other night. we met at Plaza Sing, and i was with my girlfriend (as i so said to her) :) though we only managed to hang around for a while before i disappeared.

a friend told me about this philosopher named Freud and his theory of dream interpretation. hahaha i wonder what it could be here ;) yup it stinks of incest if it's true though...

anyway, another funny thing i forgot to blog on is that the world is small... and many of us don't realize how small it actually is... :)

i met Eunice, a friend from TJ, at a talk. and during the refreshment we realized we both were from Interact Club back in secondary schools, and our clubs organised this thing called Infusion III together. and the funny thing was, i was one of the organisers and she was the co MC for the night and neither of us had a clue about that. hahaha...

anyway, i need to focus and work hard... a senior (but same batch as me) just kinda encouraged me to work proper... thanks lots :)

I need a resolution. to study. to live. and to laugh.

first, i gotta think cool... i gotta show myself that i'm able to do it...

second, i need to feel free... free to troubles and all... stress doesn't help right now :)

that's it for now. i hope i can stick to the thinking for some time...

P/S: i've been watching tv quite a lot... the shows are touching man... even the lousy Meteor Garden... or the dummy Love on a diet...

i woke up late. and there's lunch at Siglap, which is like hours away from my place. most people are already there, Aqil, Izzat, Yazid and the VIP Val. well i don't know if i would be able to make it at all. i need to study...

i realize i've been missing out on a lot of stuff, like classes, and CCAs... well i kind of don't like math so yeah, stats is gonna be a gone case unless i mug now. it's just that... i can't bring myself to study...

and it seems like i've lost passion for CCAs... i still don't know what i really am interested in now... i thought floorball was a sure thing. but i guess only if Stanley was here and we joined together... and students' council was in and out of my mind from time to time... and the united nations club seems a bit too serious for my liking...

i met a friend the other day who got some funding for an OCIP. i was like, how could i have missed out on that as well? i mean, everything seems to slip out of my reach without me even realizing they are there...

and it doesn't help that i'm not staying with my friends anymore... i miss the good old days, when i could talk endlessly to roommates and floormates about anything, even during exam times... i miss the time at Tampines, when i didn't have to fold my clothes if i was too tired... people were always nice enough to help each other...

some one told me i'd pull through, like i always have. i admit that i always have, no matter how hard it seems at first. but the reason for that is always that i have people around me who unknowingly support me along my way... this time, it is extremely tough. not that there's no one around... i guess i'm still overwhelmed by the drastic change... i need some time to adapt.

c'est la vie... :)

Michelle says the scholarship should motivate me to study. yeah, kind of. just that i still haven't secured it. gotta get another surety to come on board.

at last i cried :)

not because mau mau says i'm a sensitive new age guy... but because i'm really sad...

i went for a talk this morning, on poverty reduction and economic management. i was early, but my friend was late. and i ended up being late hahaha. it was so funny, cuz while waiting for my friend i met another friend who was also going to the talk and waiting for her friend who was coming late as well.

after waiting for a while we decided to just come in first. thing was, neither of us knew where the talk was. we had to ask the security guard *_* then we had to enter the auditorium through the side door so as not to disrupt the ongoing speech. but i think we did, cuz the place was pretty filled and we had to walk all the way down the isle looking for vacant seats and ended up sitting right on the first row, where we were the only students among the distinguished figures the like of SMU President and Deans...

anyway, the talk was cool. but i think the panel host was a bit too tense and authoritative. he challenged the speakers head-on the way we hardly see during panel discussions. and he even used words like "bullshit". could you believe that? i mean, i thought i didn't hear the right thing. but my friend heard it too.

i'm very sleepy now. planned to stay in the library to do my stats homework. i've been missing a lot of stats lessons. don't know how i'm gonna cope. but now i'm too sleepy for any productive work. and i don't even know what i'm supposed to do for stats in the first place. perhaps i'd go home and take a nap before my sister comes later.

yesterday was a happy day, even though i had 2 lectures from morning till 7pm :) cuz i checked my mail and got 2 very nice messages, or rather essays :)

and yeah, i don't see why i should thank God it's Friday. cuz it's kinda a boring day to me so far. oh i had lots for lunch just now. maybe that's why i'm so sleepy...

well, this is the first time i don't get to meet my friend for more than 2 days, ever since the time she fell sick and we didn't meet for 4 days. this time, it's a week. and i know the period will only get longer, to a month, half a year, 10 months... and it stops there...

i gotta be strong and live good during the months... we'll meet again, that's for sure :) and we'll laugh and have fun as always...

anyway, today's been horrible... suddenly there wasn't enough time to do anything as i'd planned... BGS project, math homework and tuition work all popped up at the same time... and i thought it was going to be an easy day with only the less than 2 hour AS class in the morning...

fortunately near the end of the day i managed to rush down to STB to sign the scholarship deed with one of my 2 guarantors... i really think the other one doesn't want to be bothered to come down... i'm kind of worried...

well i went to BE after STB. had a lift from my guarantor's boyfriend, who looks better than her ex hahaha. BE was kind of fun, but i don't think i'd want to commit myself there... after the whole thing (which i turned up an hour late for) some of us went to Frujich (if that's how it's spelt), an on-campus bar just opened at SMU. i don't quite like the place, though it looks nice from outside.

i didn't have dinner until like 10pm. well, life goes on.

for the first time in a week, i didn't quite want to wake up this morning. perhaps last night was a bit exhausting. anyway, though it was the latest, i was up by 9. i hope this trend continues; really can't afford to be late for any more classes...

anyway, i thought i'd been doing up on school work the past few days. actually not quite so... i realized this morning that all i'd done was printing out online reading materials and assignments. i hadn't actually READ or DONE any of those...

the school work isn't too tough actually, well except the maths homework. i can't believe i'm facing one of my worst adversaries again, after the 2-year battle [i won in the end by the way, hahaha]. other than maths, analytical skills stuff is kinda manageable, until now. the essays for evaluation are out; i printed them out but yet to have a look. and i'm doing runaway reading on BGS (it's this course called Business, Government and Society). unfortunately, i don't understand half of the text i'm reading, hahaha.

well i'd say today isn't too bad. i have AS done; and my maths group supposedly completed the homework, without me. i feel kinda bad... and i'm trying to understand the BGS text... gonna stay in the library till late again i think.

i wonder why my post is full of study. it's not the reason why i picked SMU. man, am i cheated or what? well i'm yet to be in any CCA. and i kinda lose passion for active involvement in stuffs...

kay to brighten up the day, let me note down what happened at S'pore Shopping Centre just now.

i went to this talent scout agency. well i guess i look a bit good and a bit unique and i guess they think so too. me and a friend filled in the resume form. then we had cheap and nice chicken rice for lunch, at this nice place in the complex (i didn't pay attention to the name) before heading back to the agency for the interview. hahaha after asking all about our talents (i funked up quite some bits for my pathetic self, like how i could put both legs behind my neck or bite my own elbow), we were asked if we wanted to create a portfolio. i suppose it's an invariable part of this kinda thing.

anyway, i might go see the cheerleading practice later. hopefully i could finish what i wanna do right now, like research for BGS project and emailing some person.

oh the agency person said i look very young, like 16 year old. hahaha she wasn't the first to think so.

last week i lunched with Ying Herng; it was a random thing. we wanted to catch up and as she was going to the S'pore Biennale and as i'm staying in town, or near town to be exact, we met. well she knows what's going on and i know what's going on... thanks lots k :) for the cakes and the bag and the messages.

i thought i could only be emotional to people like her... meaning, i might not be exactly as cheerful as you remember me to be... but well, Lusi asked if i'm sad after dinner just now... and said that i've not been the cheerful me who claimed to be engaged a month ago... meaning, i can't even be myself around people who have yet to know much about me...

and i don't like it...

sorry people, if i come across as irritable... Michelle, don't have to feel bad... not your fault... just me and my thoughts... :)

i promise i would get back as soon as possible... :)

i just need friends like you... and a little bit of loud music...

looking forward to New Urban Male extravaganza @ Zouk!

i've been up early these days. for a reason i can't sleep in late anymore. i think i know why... i don't want to stay at home.

this morning was good. i heard from Xin Yi, at last. i hope she could fix her internet line soon. and let me know if she's doing fine.

anyway, i was already in the library by 9. gotta prepare a hypothesis for my group BGS project. but the more research i did the more it seemed to me that water resource is not gonna be an edgy topic for us.

then i met up with the group. we went through all topics. and i chanced upon something that speaks of women in the workforce. and we have a new topic. in the end, after many hours of discussion and correction, we sent a mail to our TA (teaching associate) on our "shortlisted" hypotheses to see which one she thinks is gonna make it.

it was pretty much a productive morning. then i had lunch with Lusi and her friend, Lynn. they're gone for their project meeting. and i'm supposed to go for my tuition. now. but i'm sleepy. and tired.

but i don't want to go home to sleep either.

well, it's been 5 years since Sept 11. time flies... there's this movie called World Trade Centre coming out soon. if only i could watch it today. i don't think it's out yet though. the time i caught its trailer, it was really sweet and touching.

and no wonder security was so tight today, everywhere i went. there was this really stern looking security person staring right at me in the eyes with those small pupils of his. my, i wanted to laugh but i guess i'd better not.

and i'm feeling empty again, not much because of the unappetizing lunch...

I miss home...

this blog'd been an intention since i came back to S'pore after the long break in Vietnam, until now. i wanna have a proper avenue of emotions for my next phase of life, after all the storms and rainbows of the past 19+ years.

let me recount...

i was all stressed up after prelims... and as a result all geared up for the final battle... i was disciplined... still, there was little guarantee that i'd do it good... i lost sleep the night before the results were out... and couldn't believe i was holding my slip the next day, which showed a dream come true...

i went to work, at a bar for a week, and then at Times for 3 months plus... both were good in their own ways, though the bar experience was pretty painful...

i appllied for many scholarships... the SPH english test was horrendous... the IDA wasn't much better... and when i thought all chances had passed, a spark came and i became a firefly...

life's been mostly on the up ever since i got back here... i've met new friends... i've done new things, which i never tried before... i've become more acceptant of my looks... and above all... i still have my old good friends... cheers :)

there were low points, of course. like when Lan Anh left for Vietnam, and i knew i'm not gonna see her any time soon. but i still missed her flight cuz i woke up late... or when i didn't get into NUS law... though it later turned out to be a good thing...

now might be another low point... when school and life and things else don't work out the way i want them to... i'd get up... but i need some time... and i need you :)

anyway...

a dedicated blogger is someone who no matter how pressed by time or charm or calmness would commit to his online expressions and not disappoint an excited and gossipy and, of course, caring audience.

i guess i just am not that sort, hahaha. i blog when i like. sometimes i blog to myself, on things not exactly very nice to reveal to many others, but a few close to heart. you know who you are :)

but i do hope i could commit myself to this blog... i'm tired of searching for a good skin and a good host... it's time i started to blog...

stay with me... and be in my mind :)