The Archivist

What TIME is it?

2011-04-22T18:50:00.002+08:00

Rain and Jay Chou have topped the 2011 Time 100 Poll results, way ahead of Barack Obama (46) and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (129) in a list that even Angela Merkel and Paul Krugman didn't make. Now we understand Lee Kuan Yew when he said the "one-man-one-vote is a most difficult form of government ... Results can be erratic."

Well at least the official 2011 Time 100 by editors and thought leaders offers adequate redemption in conscience and celebrates the "artists and activists, reformers and researchers, heads of state and captains of industry" that really matter.

Nevertheless, while sometimes the experts really know best, it's high time social media deserved its due credit for having accelerated the democratisation of influence - a more open (I'm avoiding "flat" after reading about Globaloney) sphere where it's never easier to influence or be influenced. Small little people can and will, for better or worse, be heard more than ever.

I particularly enjoy this annual ranking; it's like an index of how much (or little) one knows about the world in the year passed. Say, I recognise 31 our of the 100 world influencers in 2011 (it was 28 in 2010). More to do to be acquainted with the like of Geoffrey Canada or Lamido Sanusi.

There's a new kid on the block this year - Joel Stein's Time 100 most influential things in the world. A pretty witty and captivating piece, with a really added dimension to the meaning of "things." Not sure if I'm gonna be a fan should this list continue next year, but I've already found a few favourite things:

2. The Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant's reactor core
Worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl. Worst Gilbert Gottfried disaster since 9/11.

18. The debt ceiling
If they called it a "debt roof," people would be way more excited about raising it.

19. Conflict minerals
Not as sexy as blood diamonds but still pretty sexy.

20. Birth certificates
In the age of Photoshop, people still want to see them.

22. No-fly zones
If you need proof that we live in an ugly time: the great 1990s euphemism for not having sex is the 2010s euphemism for war.

28. Greece
Hadn't heard from the Greeks in 2,400 years. Turns out they were spending a lot of money.

75. Pelicans
Making people care about oil spills.

80. Sexting
After Tiger Woods, people were predicting its decline. But it's destroying the lives of Brett Favre, Congressman Christopher Lee and high school girls everywhere.

82. 3-D everything
3-D has taken over movies, television, porn, video games and even real life.

Best place to be in the world on 8 March?

2011-03-08T20:45:00.008+08:00

Household work is often at best under-appreciated and at worst conveyed condescendingly - (dirty) laundry, (greasy) dishes, or (stinky) baby bottoms. Truth be told - dictionary.com defines "chore" as "a hard or unpleasant task."

Thankfully, the OECD's 3 March report, Cooking, Caring and Volunteering: Unpaid Work around the World suggests that without voluntary or unpaid work, the world we're living in would be at best a third or at worst even half worse off.

Suddenly, household chore doesn't sound so dirty anymore.

The report also evidences how the burden of unpaid work falls disproportionately on women across the 29 countries studied. With just two exceptions, unemployed fathers spend invariably less time taking care of their children than working mothers. And while the South Korean man spends just 50 minutes on unpaid household work, the Indian woman dedicates up to 5 hours a day more than her man to the tasks at hand (yes pun intended).

Today, 8 March, is international women's day. I think the last time I mentioned this in Singapore was years ago, purely because nobody is ever aware of it here. And so I was pleasantly surprised that my co-worker was telling me all about it this morning. But well, she spent a semester in Vietnam, where the day is probably more celebrated than Valentine's. But when my Bulgarian ex-boss mentioned 8 March later during lunch (maybe it's a communist thing?), I was genuinely delighted! So I need to end my year-long hiatus and write something about it.

Gifts are like presents - just better. I think the best gift to all the ladies in the world is our overdue appreciation that they matter just as much as men. And the best form of appreciation is to walk the talk. So enjoy it if you live in Australia, where men spend more time caring for their children than anywhere else in the world, or in Denmark, where your men will diligently do 3 hours of housework for you every day.

Hey, happy women's day :) Most of all to those in Asia!

celebrity originals

2010-03-03T10:42:00.013+08:00

author Petras once analogised celebrities to superheroes, who could choose to deal with world problems in their very own, extraordinary way:

naked people can be the solution to high crime rates in the U.S. "I could turn on just about any television channel in Europe and see full nudity. And their crime rate is a lot lower than ours. Go figure." it's definitely getting hot in here for rapper Nelly.
guess who should have gone to Copenhagen 2009: sweet dear Drew Barrymore who "took a poo in the woods hunched over like an animal" in a Chilean village and found that awesome thinks the way to save the environment is to "shit in the woods."
this is the best perhaps Obama should listen to actor Dustin Hoffman, who has a brilliant idea to the end of war: "When a lot of dogs are on the beach, the first thing they do is smell each other’s asses. The information that’s gotten somehow makes pacifists out of all of them. I’ve thought, 'If only we smelled each other’s asses, there wouldn’t be any war.'"

and so celebrities are like the new blondes. they're pretty people, they're on the news, and everyone loves them because they entertain. except that they're smarter than blondes 1.0 (well, there're always exceptions to exception). and below are just some of my favourite blonde superhero moments the past weeks.

"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina. But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn't exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover." not Neil Patrick Harris; it's Robert Pattinson, who covers the tenth anniversary issue of Details magazine with his head next to a vagina. probably for 12 hours. the air has since been cleared, that the vagina quote was just a joke, and Pattison's learnt the hard way that he should never "talk about vaginas, people are very sensitive about them!"

"And I think to myself about that one girl or those hundreds of thousands of girls who meet that guy at a club who makes them feel like they belong and they don't have that negotiation. We all know that having sex without a condom is ... Russian roulette." a very apt advice from Lady Gaga, or her nipples, at the MAC Viva Glam anti-HIV campaign, London. fret not, safe sex only means more sex to Gaga - "I want to make it fashionable to have safe sex. You must be safe. You can have sex with hundreds of people with a condom on and get nothing. If you have sex without one, then you could get all sorts of problems."
"Politics is compromise," said Matt Damon, who feels Obama has compromised too much. "I'm disappointed in the health care plan and in the troop buildup in Afghanistan. Everyone feels a little let down because, on some level, people expected all their problems to go away. But real change comes from everyday people. You can't wait for a leader."

actually, superhero celebrities are even better starting point than "everyday people," like the We are the world 25 for Haiti crew. what's better therapy than laugher, from Saturday Night Live!

state of the world: MUI or GHI

2009-10-16T17:42:00.009+08:00

the global economy seems to be at the end of a long, dark tunnel. Goldman Sachs' reported quarterly profit of US$3.19 billion is unimaginable a year ago. across the Atlantic, British exports are growing at their fastest pace since January 2008. notably, China's club of the rich and the famous is celebrating a membership of 130 billionaires. elsewhere in Asia, Hong Kong has just sold the world's most expensive apartment at US$57 million, and Vietnam's VN Index closed at 609 today, passing the psychological mark of 600 for the first time in 19 months.

actually, such figures are not the only way to appreciate the ongoing macroeconomic changes. for one, the men's underwear index (MUI) is a pretty good gauge of the state of the economy: sales of men's underwear tends to be strong when the economy is doing well and, as expenditure on men's underwear is more discretionary than women's lingerie, such expenditure would be first to forgo during a downturn. on a personal note, I do think the MUI is valid, at least to a larger extent than the hot waitress index. and by the way, Alan Greenspan follows it too. the beauty of economics.

despite the fact that the world's gentlemen are probably doing better underneath it all, the bad time may yet to be over. although Singapore is probably the first Asian country to be out of recession, Lee Kuan Yew still repeatedly cautions that this might not be a V-shaped recovery. in fact, Singapore is continuing its Job Credit scheme to help sustain the moderate upturn. and to Paul Krugman, it's "mission not accomplished" for the U.S. as unemployment should average 9.8% in 2010, resulting in an "output gap" of US$2 trillion. that's the annual GDP of the U.K., the world's 7th largest economy, forgone a year.

yet another, even starker, way to assess the state of the world is to look on the other, often neglected, side of the poor and the hungry. coincidentally, today's the World Food Day, marking the establishment of the UN Food and Agriculture Organisation. but I doubt there is much cause for celebration: the world's chronically hungry population will exceed 1 billion this year, an increase of almost 90 million from 2008. certainly the ongoing economic crisis should shoulder part of the blame, for the number had steadily decreased since the 1970s. no wonder the 2009 World Food Day theme is "Achieving food security in times of crisis."

now we can further share the populist sentiments against Goldman Sachs' US$16,700,000,000 executive bonuses to be paid out in 2010. mere sum for the U.S.' largest investment bank? that translates to more than half a million on average for each of the bank's 31,700 employees. yes, the Dow passed the 10,000 mark this week. but the first time it did so, back in 1999, America's unemployment rate was 4.2%, not 1 in 10 as at the moment.

and as China's billionaire club is expected to surpass the U.S.' within just 4 years from now, it is unacceptable that 1 billion of us are, not hungry, but chronically hungry. admittedly, there have been commendable exceptions to the trend, such as Kuwait, Mexico and Vietnam. but if China, with all the resources and political support, takes 10 years to bring 58 million people out of chronic hunger, that would be almost 200 years to achieve the UN millenium goal to end poverty and hunger. not to mention that the worst affected regions, according to the Global Hunger Index (GHI) 2009, are in sub-Saharan Africa, which cannot match China's effort in any sunstantive way.

so yeah, should the MUI or the GHI reflect the fortune of the world? you decide.

cents and sensibility

2009-09-08T13:34:00.003+08:00

there was a time when I often mulled over whether having Vietnamese as part of my language proficiency would value add my resume. yes, it's among the top 20 spoken languages in the world and yes, there're more native speakers of it than of Italian. but chances were that you would be hired not because you could speak Vietnamese.

and so it's a pleasant thing how for the first time, I can feel, for both pragmatic and nationalistic reasons, that Vietnamese is an asset. everyone is eyeing a piece of Vietnam, and there's no better way to get started than understanding the language. and although English is the medium for almost anything nowadays, there's still something that should be, and is best, said in Vietnamese.

it's a thing to be proud of as your language gets recognised. it's like the coming of age of the nation. think how China had no interest in English before the industrial revolution, and how Chinese is today probably the fastest growing language in the West (let's not delve into the exponential growth of Nerdic). yeah, it kind of marks the point when your country is in the globalisation game, despite having heard the talk for years.

but this asset could very well become cost. bloggers Nguyen Ngoc Nhu Quynh, Bui Thanh Hieu , Huy Duc and journalist Pham Doan Trang should know better than most, for all are under arrest for speaking out against the government. I couldn't access their posts and so don't know what it is exactly. my guess is that it should be on bauxite mining in Vietnam's central highlands, on the South China Sea disputes, along those lines.

I suppose we could say Vietnam has been soft on the Spratlys and the Paracels. but it's a whole different thing labelling, say, the government as a feeble machinery that could only hold press conferences to a mere roomful of domestic journalists to "protest" against China's expansionism. we may not be fully aware of the constraints Nguyen Tan Dung faces. no, having constraints is not a weakness. even Obama has his fair share of those. in fact, understanding constraints is key to effective governance - look at Lee Kuan Yew's Singapore and Hayato Ikeda's post-war Japan.

and let's have some perspective: the South China Sea thing and central highlands bauxite mining are separate issues and should be approached differently. it is unbelievably ridiculous to think that China once again wants to "invade" Vietnam as "whole villages of Chinese workers have mushroomed on the [central highlands] plateau, and 10,000 Chinese settlers are expected in the coming year." China had tried that for a thousand years without success. and, to be objective, China would be better off "occupying" energy-rich CIS states than Vietnam for the matter.

I understand the green and the wealth redistribution movements against the Aluminum Corporation of China Limited (CHALCO) in Vietnam or the China National Petroleum Corporation (CNPC) in Wasit, Iraq. but xenophobia, excuse me! when the world gravitates around China, it's a good thing that Hu Jintao is sending trade and not troops to Vietnam. the blame's not on China that Vietnam has no money to develop its central highlands. beggars cannot be choosers, that is.

I agree that the bauxite project is a bad call, for environmental and strategic reasons very much as General Vo Nguyen Giap has written on. there could be better ways to devise a long-term strategy on the matter. in the meantime, people with an asset and a mind to work it should work it with care and responsibility, especially the anti-China lobby, so as to reach the masses effectively and avoid regrettable arrests.

change is the only constant?

2009-09-02T10:08:00.005+08:00

it's been a really long time since I last blogged. it was a whole new environment as soon as April was over and May heralded in a long blast of summer of anticipatory travel, age-old family affairs and, of course, friends, lost & found. in all, I'm lucky that no matter how bad I do during school terms, the summer has always been good. and this one was great. and I didn't even screw up my study.

things do change.

for one, I used to be puzzled why people would visit Thailand over and over again. be it an urban escape to Phuket or just a weekend shopping spree in Bangkok. now I kind of get it. the cultured and hospitable mix of malls and temples, highways and getaways have done the country good. I would wanna visit Suan Lum night bazaar again. it was like a safari of street-wear varieties where one can appreciate the bargain galore in comfort.

also, the few weeks of backpacking from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City have made me feel better attached to Vietnam. the experience must have been amazing to strip me off the long-held prejudice against the country, that it was hardly fun, that the people were more often than not rude, and that you might as well move Mount. Fuji before attempting to do business in Vietnam. in place of that is now a new-found respect for the nation, for its drive to change. coincidentally, it's Vietnam's 34th national day today, 2/9/2009. may there be more than just fireworks and musical propaganda to eventually unmask the hidden charm.

and in the end, the (extended) family matters were still pretty hot. but even that has changed. what previously seemed permanently impaired has now been pretty much ironed out. I'm just glad people are beginning to be brothers and sisters again. but of course, it may never be the same. some things do change; some things just don't.

like how even when something as monumental as "Ikea" typefaced in ubiquitous Verdana instead of the customised Futura of the past 60 years happens, Ikea remains the leading low-cost proponent of fine living, just as it has been paying close attention to the design of even a $9 lampstand since 1943.

or like how although the DPJ has finally unseated the incumbent LDP from its 5 decades of uninterrupted rule, and Yukio Hatoyama repeatedly promises to change Japan, the land of the rising sun is still facing a severe confidence crisis. in fact, Hatoyama has been constantly moderating his change rhetoric since his apparent election victory at 9:40pm, 30 Aug, realising the full extent of challenge on the DPJ.

change, of course, should be good. change is necessary for development. and so, as much as I would like to see Vietnam changes, it's not going to be easy.

Yuan vs. Dollar

2009-04-02T21:32:00.013+08:00

update: Paul Krugman's excellent piece on China's dollar trap half contradicts and half supports what I've written. Krugman believes that governor Zhou's call for a "super-sovereign reserve currency" only shows the T-bills Republic's mistake in over-accumulating the dollar. so yeah, I may have been off suggesting that it's a sign of China's economic might. But my counter-argument that China's not ready to up the ante on the dollar any time soon still holds. on another note, I am totally in line with Krugman on China's desperation for trade.

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me and Lusi were on a quick lunch, and we were on the topic of China's international clout vis-a-vis the U.S., from the perspective of the yuan-dollar relative importance. that is some serious talk (which rarely happens between the jolly us), and so this is a complementary piece to my recent opinion on the increasingly relevant US-China rivalry. but instead of a general, multi-faceted picture, this time there'll be a focus, on the yuan-dollar balance as a proxy for US-China competition.

Barry Eichengreen has just dismissed the G-20 as a too diverse grouping for consensus-building and effective crisis management, contending that the rich world, i.e. the U.S. and Europe and Japan, cannot quite align their interests with those of Indonesia and Argentina. but China seems to be offering an innovative solution: on the eve of the G-20 London summit, China and Argentina have agreed on a yuan swap facility of up to 70 billion yuan to allow dollar-tight Argentina to directly trade with China without the usual intermediary U.S. dollar. This should help prevent a further drop in trade volumes, thus stemming the adverse effects of the financial crisis on export-driven China.

China has already inked yuan swap agreements with many other countries before Argentina. there is a recent 100 billion yuan swap line with Indonesia, and another 20 billion with Belarus, in addition to earlier arrangements with South Korea, Malaysia and Hong Kong that in all total 650 billion yuan, or US$ 95 billion. and so what's significant about the Sino-Argentina swap deal is that China is extending its sphere of influence into Latin America, the traditional backyard of America. here's a large country in a large continent right next to the U.S., where many countries either officially dollarise or practically prefer the dollar to their domestic currencies. and yet Argentina is taking the option to bypass the dollar and trade directly with China on the yuan.

this, coupled with the recent assertion by China's central bank governor Zhou Xiaochuan that the world needs a new reserve currency in place of the dollar, should prompt Obama & Co. to have an economic Cox Report on China, as the assault has now entered a new realm of currency supremacy, besides cyber-war and aircraft carrier and space race.

nevertheless, when the going gets tough, the tough usually gets going, for the United States of America. many people thought Japan was going to overtake the American economy in the 1980s, the same way Germany was believed to be on its way to surpass America after World War II. the U.S. and its people have this quality that brings the country to where they are today, a quality that has trumped Germany's "soziale Marktwirtschaft" and the Japanese perfectionism. of course China can bring a different ballgame altogether. but there's no obvious reason why the U.S. cannot respond with its trademark American enterprise.

also, China can, but whether it is ready to bring the dollar to task is a very different thing. as recent as November 2007, governor Zhou was still supporting a strong dollar as the subprime crisis emerged in America. and the yuan cannot replace the dollar as long as it is still pegged to the dollar, although China seems to have allowed minimal yuan movements since 2006, and the peg is at its lowest level since inception (See chart). in addition, China is currently the largest holder of American bonds, and the Chinese Communist Party cannot afford to have 70% of their foreign reserves eroded away following the collapse of the dollar. this is no wild guess: China's central bank assistant governor Yi Gang said in November 2007 the dollar must remain the key component of the country's then 1.4 trillion dollar reserves because it was "the largest currency that we use" for trade and FDI as well as other international financial settlements.

let's also note that for every country in need of a yuan swap agreement with the People's Bank of China, there are almost three who are on dollar swap lines with the Federal Reserve. my guess is that China is extending the yuan swaps not with the primary intention to signal the coming of age of the currency, but for the practical reason of trade. China needs trade to prevent further economic slowdown, and so it is simple logic to provide swap facilities to Asian countries who trade extensively with China, as well as Argentina, of which China is the second largest trade partner.

I suppose the most important fundamental question to ask when assessing the declining role of the U.S. dollar is, what are the alternatives? the dollar may be unreliable, and it gives America too much financial and political leverage over the rest of the world, and it is almost immoral to have third-world savers fund the American consumer who lives on credit. but China is not ready to do it. Japan is not ready to do it. and the EU is not prepared to slam Benjamin Franklin any time soon.

well, instead of a single supreme global currency, we can have the best of all worlds. but that is going to take real long before the U.S. and the EU and China and Japan and the UK and Russia and India and Brazil come to a consensus on the relative weights of their currencies.

can China go it alone? Lusi thinks 2009 year-end would reveal something interesting on that. and so she was totally surprised when I said, give China 20 years. at the least.

a "peaceful renaissance"

2009-03-31T22:45:00.017+08:00

when the unarmed USNS Impeccable was harassed by 5 Chinese vessels 75 miles off the Yulin Naval Base on 8 March, 2009, what matters is not plainly who infringed upon whose legal rights. after the 2001 Hainan Island mid-air crash, this is yet another episode in which the U.S. and China collide. how the greatest contemporary rivalry of our time plays out will alter the balance of power in Asia, with significant bearings on the perennial South China Sea territorial disputes.

actually, a simple memory jog evidences that there has already been a shift in the U.S.-China power balance. 60 years ago, the then rudimentary People's Liberation Army (PLA) had only mere numbers to halt the American advance into North Korea. Victorious or not, communist China was destitute, and Chairman Mao's Great Leap Forward further crippled the economy. 30 years later, a confident Deng Xiaoping swarmed northern Vietnam with 200,000 troops in response to the latter's engagement in China-sponsored Pol Pot's Cambodia. Although Deng's "short-arms-short-legs" PLA could not quite "teach Vietnam a lesson" as he had wished, the bold move sent a powerful message to nuclear-armed America that China was not deterred to make its own decisions (even without the backing of the Soviet Union). and which other country has ever held official American personnel hostage to an impotent U.S. as China did in the Hainan Island incident of 2001? besides Iran, I think there is none.

America is certainly not getting weaker. it will stay the world's greatest economic, technological and military powerhouse and no others will come close even in a hundred years. what's happening is that China is fast - and I mean really fast - rising; nobody can afford not to be swayed by the sheer gravity of this 9.6 million km² landmass of 1.3 billion people who produce US$7 trillion (PPP) a year and spend more than the UK or France or Germany or Japan on their military - and rising. it will not take long before the Chinese walk the moon. and as Lee Kuan Yew put it to Deng Xiaoping, if the landless peasants from China could come build a first-world Singapore, the mainland can definitely better that in no time.

it is also interesting to note how, when the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis hit East Asia, the West was preaching and America's trio Robert Rubin - Alan Greenspan - Lawrence Summers were featured by Time as the "committee to save the world." 10 years on, as the subprime crisis hit the U.S., while Rubin had resigned from Citigroup's board, Greenspan admitted he was wrong and only Summers remains (epitome of Krugman's magazine cover effect), China's central bank governor Zhou Xiaochuan is advising the U.S. and other Western governments to follow China's "prompt, decisive and effective policy measures, demonstrating its superior system advantage when it comes to making vital policy decisions" to deal with the crisis.

and just back in 2007, then U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson was pushing for China to revalue the yuan to help fight China's inflation and correct trade balances, only to have Chinese vice-minister of commerce Chen Denming flatly refute that the weakening dollar, and not the pegged yuan, was the problem. today, China needs no such provocation from the U.S. to assert its will. when Premier Wen was "a little bit worried" about Chinese assets in the U.S., he said so on national newspaper, and had Obama promptly assure him of the safety of China's US$700 billion in American bonds. soon after that, governor Zhou has gone as far as to boldly suggest, in both Chinese and English, an international reserve currency to replace the U.S. dollar, much to the anxiety of Timothy Geithner and Ben Bernanke half the world away.

but China does not actually need the proposed reserve currency to be materialised; the country already has a burgeoning economy to bolster its growing international clout. as China continues to peacefully rise, it will further pull its weight on important global matters. and there is no better time than now for China to take centre stage of the world when the West is in disarray. it is noteworthy that Lee Kuan Yew once commented how China's "peaceful rise" was semantically contradictory - a rise is meant to be violent, not smooth. Lee thought a "peaceful renaissance" should describe China's designed vision better.

there is a good reason why the U.S. keeps such a close watch on China's military expenditures. for one, Americans know they are king of the sea. but they also very well understand that as long as they are not god, China is capable of outsting any king. there is no guarantee of America's predominant naval position in Asia now that China is expanding deep into the South China Sea. and so how the U.S. should respond hinges on whether this is a rise or a renaissance of China. a Chinese renaissance should not be a cause for American reinforcements of destroyers and battle ships to the region, not when the U.S. is still deep in the quagmire of Afghanistan. but a rise would call for a different, hardened, approach - the U.S. must firmly neutralise South China Sea conflicts and promptly support Southeast Asian claimant states, who cannot match China's might in any substantive way.

in the meantime, let's hope no oil is found underneath the seabed.

a familee affair

2009-03-05T11:07:00.008+08:00

2009 is like the sick cousin of the high-time 2006. Singapore’s GDP was first projected to slide by 2 to 5%, before the gloomy Lee Hsien Loong admitted in Hua Hin, Thailand, that the economy could decline by up to 8%. And to further pepper an already too spicy crab served at the Thomson Reuters dialogue, MM Lee raised a doom scenario of a 10% contraction this year.

Though probably a pain to the upcoming graduates, the hard landing of Singapore is hardly surprising. The Republic has developed strong economic dependent links with the U.S., Europe and Japan since 1965. And as these hegemons come crashing, so does the little red dot. Export revenue dropped by 35% in January 2009, and MM Lee mentioned a possible further steep drop of 30 to 40% in the second quarter. We should seriously tighten our safety belts, noting that exports account for “three-and-a-quarter times” of Singapore’s GDP.

The silver lining to this is that, according to MM Lee, Singapore will bounce back faster than any other economy as soon as the U.S., Europe and Japan recover. Not to mention that Singapore is at the centre of economically dynamic East Asia. Still, such severe volatility is absolutely no good; why should the extremely good times be mired with the extremely bad times? There is basic economic rationale when Lee Hsien Loong recently suggested a de-emphasis on the U.S. and Europe and Japan now that risk reduction through diversification has become like investment wisdom.

Actually, in retrospect, Singapore has a lot of resources (that’s right, it does) to weather the crisis. Even a 10% shrink, which is roughly US$19 billion as of 2008, is almost matched by the S$20 plus billion offered by Budget 2009. And for fiscal stimulus to multiply its way through the economy there needs to be a functioning financial system. This is the point when we come to appreciate DBS’s 28^th and UOB’s 37^th and OCBC’s 38^th rankings among the world’s 50 safest banks by U.S. Global Finance magazine.

Anyway, the potential loss of US$19 billion pales in comparison with the actual 25% fall in behemoth GIC’s US$300 billion portfolio and the actual 31% “paper” loss, totalling S$58 billion, of Temasek Holdings. Gosh, how I condemn the fact that the media keeps stressing the word “paper.” Singapore may have a lot of financial muscles to withstand the crisis for even 10 more years, but it kind of lacks accountability. Strange, doesn’t MM Lee, or the government, propose higher-than-U.S.-President’s salaries to its civil servants precisely for accountability? Well, ask this: do we remember who was responsible for the jail escape from the Whitley Road Detention Centre just last year? I for one can’t even recall the name of the escapee (should it be shame on me?).

And this: as Ho Ching leaves Temasek Holdings, who should be answerable for the losses? Well just ask ourselves k, because I don’t think anyone dares ask that in Parliament. MM Lee comments as Ho Ching decided to resign that “she thinks it is time.” This frenzied the blogosphere: so Ho Ching could have stayed on for 10 more years if she simply decided so? Onto the losses at the GIC, handsomely paid ministers and members of parliament fervently defended the US$6.88 billion investment into Citigroup as good buys. The reason is, share prices were under-valued then. Indeed, were the financial crisis not wrecking havoc everywhere now.

And so one has to wonder, wouldn’t it be wiser to buy even more Citi shares now as they are dirt cheap? For every dollars and cents paid to every man and woman in Parliament, there was no ear to the idea that share prices might be too good to be true, or that the GIC and Temasek Holdings should manage Singapore’s assets prudently instead of mirroring the practices of global investment banks. A side note to this, the safest bank in the world, according to Global Finance, is KfW Bankengruppe, which had been mocked “Germany’s dumbest bank” by Bild, the country’s leading newspaper. I guess for every dumb person out there, there lives a dumberer.

Well, I am not disqualifying Lee Hsien Loong or MM Lee or Ho Ching for the matter. I may sound like it, but I seriously am not. Against all the underground battings, I have always admired Lee Kuan Yew, and I trust that the Singapore government has the right calibre to manage the country. I am not condemning anyone for mistakes. People make mistakes everywhere and under any circumstance, let alone this the-day-the-earth-stood-still crisis that no one saw coming (maybe except Warren Buffet). If one is bent on criticising the Singapore and its leaders on the basis of poor performance, please be more informed and look elsewhere to satisfy the thirst of illiteracy.

But I don’t like the general lack of accountability in Singapore. It’s not that bad, but there is still plenty of room for improvement to be up to the Singapore brand. like this, admit it when one screws up, and be adult about the consequences.

Obaman, The

2009-01-22T18:20:00.004+08:00

an impactful speech at the 2004 Democratic Party Convention. an arduous 2 years through the 2008 presidential elections. and, with much blessings from above, the world witnessed a Hawaiian-born nobody, whose father left the family when he was yet able to speak and whose mother passed away before he became a politician, turn into the Obaman, President of the U.S, on 20 Jan 2009 (albeit a few hours late, constitutionally, due to a verbal hiccup by Mr. Roberts).

there is more than just novelty about the Obama's presidency. first, he openly criticised Bush (who was just a few feet away) and was against the unpragmatic ideological zeal characterised by the predecessor's administration that culminated in a disastrous inheritance for America 2009. second, Obama fervently called for the dictators of the world, i.e. Iran and North Korea, to recognise that they are on "the wrong side of history," and offered them "a hand" to join the rights of democracy.

just that i do think ideology still has a very important place in politics. Obama may champion pragmatism, but it should be remembered that Winston Churchill was not pragmatic at all when he urged the RAF to defend the British shores against titan Germany; Sir Churchill had masterfully instilled his ideology of freedom and righteousness into his soldiers. and since then, the world's seen, and celebrated upon, the rise of ideologically-driven Asia's Vladimir Putin, and Junichiro Koizumi Australia's Kevin Rudd, Latin America's Hugo Chavez and Michelle Bachelet, Africa's Morgan Tsvangirai or the Middle East's Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum and even Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Bush might have had really bad judgements, but i still very much admire the man for his ideological conviction and for making the difficult decisions that faced him. no i don't think it's a lie when Bush said he had made those choices because he believed they were in the best interests of America. Bush may have the lowest post-office approval rating among the Presidents, but Jenna and Barbara totally love him, and they know who their father truly is. and elsewhere, Africa will miss Bush, and the Middle East will need the like of Bush's two-state solution for the Palestinians.

and Mr. Obama, please also remember that Iran and North Korea are not exactly part of the "axis of evil." how could Iran be more evil than the U.S. when the democratically elected Shah was overthrown with American hands, which then installed a puppet government that ruled Iran until the hostage crisis? and as for North Korea, what evil things could they ever do to the U.S., or any body for the matter, when there is not even enough power to even light Pyongyang? the U.S. simply does not like and cannot tolerate anyone who defies them, since that will create a very harmful precedent for others, particularly in the current backdrop of revived nationalism.

well yes, Obama does not belong to the elite Washington class. he was not born into the job. he's earned it. but perhaps as he is offering change to America and a helping hands to the people of the world, he could be mindful of history so as to clearly see the present and better touch the future.

casino capitalism, literally

2008-11-13T20:32:00.003+08:00

the good old days were not too long ago... when stock markets were bubbling, and property prices rocketing, along with household wealth. or when Europeans were still parking money in hedge-fund Iceland, Americans still importing and Singaporeans still buying High Notes 5...

and not too long ago did i comment on the rapid development of the gambling industry in Asia. casinos were springing up from coast to coast. no doubt that i was fascinated, about the new architecture and vibrancy and prosperity. but i was doubting if this was sustainable, albeit through the micro-perspective of Las Vegas Sands.

it was almost crazy to think that way then, eh. Sands' CEO Mr Sheldon Anelson would have called that "wrong" and asserted that "if you build, they would come," the way he labelled Wynn Resorts' CEO Mr. Wynn's decision not to bet too much on Macau and championed Sands' US$12 billion commitment in the territory. well, Anelson was proven right by the market: he earned almost US$1 million an hour between 2004 and 2006, and rose spectacularly from number 60 to a coveted 3 on Forbes' list of richest Americans.

but as soon as the credit crunch hit, Anelson was losing US$3.5 million an hour, his assets nosedived from US$32 billion to a "mere" US$2 billion, and Wynn Resorts overtook Sands to be the world's biggest casino operator by market value just last month. Anelson doesn't look like he's gonna be richer than Bill Gates any time soon.

and Anelson has also been forced to suspend his Macau developments. his only lifeline now is Singapore's Marina Bay Sands integrated resort. and because of events that have unfolded, i suddenly feel a little prophetic; the time has come for Anelson and Sands to choose, between Macau and Singapore.

after all this, i wanna acknowledge that i still respect Mr. Anelson a great deal. he used to be a bagel salesman before starting up his tradeshow business, and finally dominating the casino world. to quote his former associate, Mr. David Kaminer, "if the world came to an end, there would be cockroaches and Sheldon, and Sheldon would immediately be smart enough to open a pest-control company."

point is, humility shines.

what is paradox?

2008-10-07T22:37:00.004+08:00

when I think instability in Southeast Asia, I will usually think Indonesia, or the Philippines. but Thailand and Malaysia have almost monopolised the political headlines since 2007. that's not to qualify that the Indonesian democracy is more strengthened. that's just to say Southeast Asia has a very different breed of democracy (so different "democracy" may not be an accurate description).

and when we think political instability, we think adverse impact on FDI and economic growth. but contemporary accounts beg otherwise: Japan has not seen a prime minister complete his office term since Koizumi. closer to home, the face of the Thai premier has been changing so fast it's kind of pointless to send over congratulatory notes. the stable Vietnam still trails behind anyway.

let's also look at the US dollars and the yen. we'd expect their values to nosedive in this gravest financial crisis of all time (no I don't think the 1929 Great Depression should be comparable as we weren't as globalised then). fact is, we're going to have to pay more to holiday in the States or Japan for the time to come. wary investors have no better alternatives to hedge their money in to guard against any further uncertainty.

i've also saved the best for last: Obama and McCain can't really change. so what if Obama is from a very different background from the Washington elites and so what if McCain "always put [his] country first?" they are essentially from the same old parties that have wrecked financial and military havoc on America and the world. alright let's say despite that, they really want to change. but could they, when Obama has received almost US$200 million from contributors for his campaign, and McCain a "modest" US$60 million? it takes just a little sensibility to understand that neither Obama nor McCain can go against the corporatocracy very much.

"Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation and I care not who writes its laws." not very relevant, but that shows the extent that Obama and McCain can or cannot change. well if American wants a real change, they should go for one of those hundred officially announced 2008 presidential candidates. I doubt they could though, since they hardly know beyond the O and the M, and maybe Ralph Nader and Robert Barr. it's like a mockery of American politics. but hey, it's true.

thinking about this morning's defeated bailout...

2008-09-30T14:34:00.001+08:00

New York Times

September 28, 2008

Op-Ed Columnist

Green the Bailout

By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN

Many things make me weep about the current economic crisis, but none more than this brief economic history: In the 19th century, America had a railroad boom, bubble and bust. Some people made money; many lost money. But even when that bubble burst, it left America with an infrastructure of railroads that made transcontinental travel and shipping dramatically easier and cheaper.

The late 20th century saw an Internet boom, bubble and bust. Some people made money; many people lost money, but that dot-com bubble left us with an Internet highway system that helped Microsoft, I.B.M. and Google to spearhead the I.T. revolution.

The early 21st century saw a boom, bubble and now a bust around financial services. But I fear all it will leave behind are a bunch of empty Florida condos that never should have been built, used private jets that the wealthy can no longer afford and dead derivative contracts that no one can understand.

Worse, we borrowed the money for this bubble from China, and now we have to pay it back — with interest and without any lasting benefit.

Yes, this bailout is necessary. This is a credit crisis, and credit crises involve a breakdown in confidence that leads to no one lending to anyone. You don’t fool around with a credit crisis. You have to overwhelm it with capital. Unfortunately, some people who don’t deserve it will be rescued. But, more importantly, those who had nothing to do with it will be spared devastation. You have to save the system.

But that is not the point of this column. The point is, we don’t just need a bailout. We need a buildup. We need to get back to making stuff, based on real engineering not just financial engineering. We need to get back to a world where people are able to realize the American Dream — a house with a yard — because they have built something with their hands, not because they got a “liar loan” from an underregulated bank with no money down and nothing to pay for two years. The American Dream is an aspiration, not an entitlement.

When I need reminding of the real foundations of the American Dream, I talk to my Indian-American immigrant friends who have come here to start new companies — friends like K.R. Sridhar, the founder of Bloom Energy. He e-mailed me a pep talk in the midst of this financial crisis — a note about the difference between surviving and thriving.

“Infants and the elderly who are disabled obsess about survival,” said Sridhar. “As a nation, if we just focus on survival, the demise of our leadership is imminent. We are thrivers. Thrivers are constantly looking for new opportunities to seize and lead and be No. 1.” That is what America is about.

But we have lost focus on that. Our economy is like a car, added Sridhar, and the financial institutions are the transmission system that keeps the wheels turning and the car moving forward. Real production of goods that create absolute value and jobs, though, are the engine.

“I cannot help but ponder about how quickly we are ready to act on fixing the transmission, by pumping in almost one trillion dollars in a fortnight,” said Sridhar. “On the other hand, the engine, which is slowly dying, is not even getting an oil change or a tuneup with the same urgency, let alone a trillion dollars to get ourselves a new engine. Just imagine what a trillion-dollar investment would return to the economy, including the ‘transmission,’ if we committed at that level to green jobs and technologies.”

Indeed, when this bailout is over, we need the next president — this one is wasted — to launch an E.T., energy technology, revolution with the same urgency as this bailout. Otherwise, all we will have done is bought ourselves a respite, but not a future. The exciting thing about the energy technology revolution is that it spans the whole economy — from green-collar construction jobs to high-tech solar panel designing jobs. It could lift so many boats.

In a green economy, we would rely less on credit from foreigners “and more on creativity from Americans,” argued Van Jones, president of Green for All, and author of the forthcoming “The Green Collar Economy.” “It’s time to stop borrowing and start building. America’s No. 1 resource is not oil or mortgages. Our No. 1 resource is our people. Let’s put people back to work — retrofitting and repowering America. ... You can’t base a national economy on credit cards. But you can base it on solar panels, wind turbines, smart biofuels and a massive program to weatherize every building and home in America.”

The Bush team says that if this bailout is done right, it should make the government money. Great. Let’s hope so, and let’s commit right now that any bailout profits will be invested in infrastructure — smart transmission grids or mass transit — for a green revolution. Let’s “green the bailout,” as Jones says, and help ensure that the American Dream doesn’t ever shrink back to just that — a dream.

conspiracies vs. facts

2008-09-17T15:31:00.004+08:00

you know it's serious when you can't tell conspiracies from facts. when what you get from the media is only what you're supposed to get. when democracy embodies the few on top of the many. when money enslaves, and you pay for your own slavery through banks. when most people believe that there was a government cover-up of Sept. 11.

all truths are said to have gone through three stages. first, it is ridiculed. and then it is violently opposed, before it becomes accepted theorems of life. and so this is for you who wanna enter the matrix and find out for yourself the real world. for you can't be told what it is.

The Dirty Dozen:

Trilateral-Commission.net

SecretSocieties.net

CouncilOnForeignRelations.net

it's just overwhelming to follow from David Icke's Freedom or Facism, to Wake Up Call: New World Order (compiled by John Nada). almost like the Animorphs coming to life.

well, i guess it's almost inevitable. as the people who can be concerned are those with the means to - the privileged few. when half of the world need to choose between hunger and dignity, and the other half are better off making money, we do need more Chomskys and Moores.

man i sound so radical it's sickening.

university factories

2008-09-10T16:41:00.007+08:00

in light of Singapore's plan for the 4th university - one that is desirably and meaningfully different, here's a quick look at what's going on beyond the little red dot:

Source: The Economist

in most parts of the developed world, universities are manufacturing graduates / job seekers / rat racers more than ever (a societal victory against the teenage pregnancy taboo, woohoo!).

i'm just wondering why there isn't any survey / study / experiment to find out how many of these educated people are actually culturally literate or intellectually self-defensive.

ooh, perhaps those holistic qualities don't quite buff up the pay cheques. or contribute to our GDP-obsessed measure of growth.

to quote Oscar Wilde, "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." and as David Icke's friend put it, "repeaters."

back to my games of strategy!

To be or not to be - S'pore education

2008-05-09T00:16:00.004+08:00

Dear Sir,

I believe you are making more claims, and making them much stronger, than what is in fact true.

I am among the ones you have implied as receiving more than their fair share of educational privileges simply because of nationalities, and just-above-average talents.

I have actually benefited even more than that, thanks to what you consider Singapore's double standards. For seven years, I have been paid to attend prestigious schools, and given much more stipends than the average PRC and Vietnamese students of yours. I have travelled to many shores far beyond the little red dot. many thanks to Singapore!

And so when I, and especially I, do not entirely agree with you, I do think I am in a better position than you are to understand if what you have written fervently about is indeed true.

I agree that Singapore could better use the resources allocated to attracting talented students from overseas. There are still thousands of local pupils who need the Straits Times' Pocket Money Funds for their meals.

However, what might not have met your eyes as you observe all the bright children from China and Vietnam lavishing on the financial incentives and opportunity privileges is what they, or rather we, have put in, have exchanged for, and have sacrificed.

Sir, you may have over-emphasised the monetary awards of it. the other side of the coin is the home-away years, many many years, the teenage angst that often meets with silence from the four walls that house us, and above all, the immense pressure to perform.

Yes Sir, we are showered with golden opportunities. But we have, as I have come to realise, in turn sacrificed more than what we can be aware of, especially as the years go by, and we gradually mature from the Singapore system. I have, and I have accepted the fact that I am not a Singapore citizen, and therefore whatever that I get will ultimately, and always, be less than what Singaporeans are entitled to!

After all, I would like to defend the status quo, that meritocracy still prevails in Singapore! One gets what one deserves! And failures shall not be tolerated.

Thank you Sir!

--------- In response to:

Double standards in Singaporean Education.

Singapore has many surprises for an attentive observer: one area that is rich in such surprises is Singaporean education.

Singapore is a country that prides itself on its uniformity and conformity. Thus one would expect that all within its borders would be treated in the same way, with regards to educational opportunity. In an ideal world, everyone would have access to the opportunities they need. Yet, this is not so.

There is an educational scholarship scheme which many people may not be aware of. Its express purpose is to recruit scientifically and mathematically competent students from other Asian countries and bring them to Singapore. The ones that I have taught are about 95% PRC (People's Republic of China) mainland Chinese students and the rest have happened to be Vietnamese. I haven't met one from anywhere else.

These almost entirely mainland Chinese students are given free education in Singapore. They are given free accommodation. They are even given a monthly stipend on which to live. One particular group even had a paid holiday in Malaysia (probably to show them what a wonderful place Singapore was by giving them the contrast of poverty - since it was a poor area they went to), recently. They basically have a free ride of it, for their time in Singapore. They are even given a choice of where they might like to get a degree out of a selection of overseas countries. Singapore pays for it all.

I can see why they do this. It is so as to recruit scientific talent for Singapore's tech and science industries. The idea is that many of these students will come to settle in Singapore and work here. So, in that sense it is a smart move for Singapore. Yet, I am not particularly happy at this particular programme. Why? Well, because Singaporeans are not treated so well.

We have sought special provision for Ainan's scientific educational needs for over a year and a half, now. Long term readers will know that we have encountered a less than generous attitude in this area. At various times, we have been told: "It is resource intensive to give him practical chemistry classes" and "There is no funding available" and "Why don't you go to a private school and pay for it yourself?" (This last was said by a member of the Gifted Education Programme...a very unhelpful organization, in truth.)

In that entire time, we have managed to secure six practical sessions for Ainan out of the education system (at Raffles Insitution and Raffles College). We were also offered one hour a week at NUS High School of Maths and Science, last year, which we ultimately rejected, because it was of material (at early A level) which he had already covered - and they refused to let him take practical classes. It simply wasn't worth going there, since nothing new would be learnt. All in all, it is not much of a response to Ainan's particular needs.

Now, Ainan was born in Singapore. His mother is a Malay Singaporean - so Ainan has Singaporean nationality. Yet, the contrast between the way PRC science students are welcomed to Singapore and enticed by large bundles of money and educational freebies, and the way we have met obstacles and refusals of support, in Ainan's scientific education, could not be more marked.

I find myself puzzled. Ainan is Singaporean. These PRC imports are not. Ainan gets little support. The PRCs get everything. Surely, this is strong evidence of double standards in Singaporean education? To get what you need, here, you have to be a foreign student on a scholarship. If you are a locally born Singaporean, you need not apply, seems to be the message.

Perhaps they take Ainan for granted. They think that, because he is local, that he is theirs already. The PRCs, however, have to be won over to Singapore's side. The funny thing about this is that Ainan is much brighter than any of the PRC imports I have met and taught over the years. He has much MORE to offer Singapore in terms of scientific talent, than any of these PRCs (or Vietnamese) students. Yet, except for a few token exceptions, Ainan's needs have not yet been met by the Singaporean education system.

Double standards are never fair - nor are they wise. In pursuing this course of action, Singapore will recruit some scientifically talented PRC students - yes. However, they will also alienate LOCALLY DERIVED scientific talent - unless they SUPPORT THEM EQUALLY WELL. The fact is, however, they don't. If you are locally born talent, you can expect no special support of your gifts - or very little indeed, certainly not enough to optimize your intellectual growth. If, however, you were born in Beijing - expect every cheque book to be open. That is the clear message of this programme.

Ainan's education proceeds at home, with us. Were it not for our support, he would be receiving NO scientific education, at this time, from the Singaporean education system. Is that the way to nurture future scientists?

I am sure the story would be very different if Ainan was a PRC child showing the same gift. He would be flown in, with his mother (probably), given a house, a scholarship at a good school, and money every month to pay his way. Unfortunately, for Ainan he is locally born. What he gets instead, is a lot of bureaucratic delays and time-wasting from the educational establishment. Far from receiving a scholarship, we are repeatedly told that "there are no funds available" and no resources, either.

So, the lesson is this. If you have a special child and they were born in Singapore, you should emigrate to China, at once. There you should revoke your Singaporean citizenship and become Chinese - and then apply for the Singaporean scholarship programme. You will be welcomed with open arms and suddenly everything you need for your special education would be made available. For true authenticity, you should speak English exceptionally badly for the first couple of years back in Singapore, just to make sure that you don't look out of place (just like all the other PRC recruits).

We have had to make our own arrangements for Ainan, since the educational system has proven unwilling to do so. Every other special child we have heard of, has run into difficulties too. They share one thing in common: they were born in Singapore.

It would be good to see a Singaporean education system that allowed all children to flourish - and aided all along the way, to reach their potential. It is not enough to focus on grooming PRC children to become Singaporean: they need to give equally good opportunities and support to locally born talent too.

Otherwise a strange thing will begin to happen: just as the PRC "talent" arrives, the local talent will leave. That is precisely what has happened to some of the Singaporean gifted children that we are aware of. They haven't received what they needed in Singapore - so they left for America etc.

Now, is that a smart education policy?

If Singapore did more to nurture its locally born talent, they wouldn't have to recruit PRC students to make up for the shortfall in talent. They would have created it in their own backyard, instead.

The next step for Ainan has been arranged, and will be announced at an appropriate time - but you know what: we arranged it ourselves. Those in the education system whose responsibility is to attend to these matters did nothing to help us, at all. Were we less persistent, nothing would have happened.

The others that we are aware of did not battle on, to secure what they needed here: they just emigrated.

The priority should be: first look after locally born talent, then look to recruit overseas talent. They should not begin to do the latter until the former has been addressed. Otherwise, the result will be that one's own people leave, never more to return. The foreigners who replace them, have no real ties to Singapore. There seems little wisdom in that.

(If you would like to learn more of Ainan Celeste Cawley, a scientific child prodigy, aged eight years and one month, or his gifted brothers, Fintan, four years and seven months, and Tiarnan, two years exactly, please go to:

http://scientific-child-prodigy.blogspot.com/2006/10/scientific-child-prodigy-guide.html

I also write of gifted education, IQ, intelligence, the Irish, the Malays, Singapore, College, University, Chemistry, Science, genetics, left-handedness, precocity, child prodigy, child genius, baby genius, adult genius, savant, gifted adults and gifted children in general. Thanks.)

cartoons of the week

2008-03-09T23:57:00.003+08:00

and the moral of the week goes, the number of people you know determines your life path. or in a trite way, it's not what you know, but who you know.

Valentine's special

2008-02-15T05:21:00.003+08:00

chocolate seems so perfectly natural for Valentine's that it's become not so much an act, but a reflex. and there may be a very good reason for that as, according to The Economist:

"ON VALENTINE'S DAY the relationship between chocolate and sex becomes, at least for gentlemen considering the ideal gift, less a matter of theoretical musing and one of stark practicality. Will a box of chocolates do the trick? In some parts of Europe sex and chocolate go hand in hand, though a causal link is unclear. Mediterranean lovers tend to have as much sex but less chocolate—perhaps hotter weather has a bearing on both. The Japanese have precious little of either."

so yeah, chocolate is well the natural Valentine's special (or the means to it) in Switzerland and Austria eh. something that makes the Swiss a little less boring. and by the look of it, i kind of like China now. just this once.

come to think of it, there was kind of too little chocolatey content for me and my girlfriend's dinner just now. well, Pizza Hut is not chocolate factory o_O

The 2007 Post

2007-12-31T21:12:00.000+08:00

The new year is coming. this time it's the most serene (but not boring) new year's eve to me. i could go have a fabulous dinner, or enjoy the fireworks at Marina Bay. or even hit the club like last year. but here i am, cosily at home for the first moments of the new year.

it's been a good year. well yeah there ain't no annus mirabilis the like of 2006 but hey, there isn't much of a trace of an annus horibbilis (also the like of 2006) so yeah, it's a good year to me. if 2006 is bitter sweet gin tonic, 2007 should be of the honey long island recipe. and here's why:

1. i'm getting better at the SMU academics - working harder, being more consistent, and playing smart. the grades could've been much better though; so yeah, expect more of me the coming year.
2. for the first time in 21 years, i was onstage acting in an official production! it was a killing thing, the long months of practice. but the days leading up to the performance nights were amazing. sexy people, and lovely friends who braced the show.
3. i'm in a serious relationship, through all the thick and thin of it. and yeah, it makes me happy. well this might be surprising, and no offence to the ladies, this is the most functional relationship i'm ever in.
4. my finances are in better shape; not China-surplus kind, but far from the US-deficit state i once was in. this makes me feel like i'm growing up and becoming a more reliable adult. and that's good.

5. i had a good trip home. i realise i love my sister a lot, and that my mom loves me too. and it was all the exact opposite of what happened last year. and i almost had a huge dinner treat for the 21st birthday. damn the wisdom tooth!

and yeah, i very much do hope the friends who've always been with me will stay traditional and continue being with me. well yeah i'm not with you as often as i'd want to, but i'm not without you. i couldn't have gone on without the many of you. you may not read this, but you should know that.

and to all, a happy new year!

today in Asia!

2007-12-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

in Russia, Putin announced his backing for some president hopeful. rumour has it that he's going to return to the Kremlin after this guy completes his one office term so yeah, let's not expect too much change from Russia. anyway, it's good the way it is.

in Singapore, My Chemical Romance rocks on high at 8pm. well not that i'd catch them if i were not in Vietnam. but i do like their Welcome to the black parade and Teenagers. and they've got style too. things should be different if they need to succeed.

in Thailand, Vietnam's been doing pretty well in the SEA Games, reigning second only to the hosts. but the team didn't fare too well today. the soccer team lost the semi-final on penalty shoot-outs. and only 5 golds were added to the tally. hmm.

in Vietnam, there was a blackout in my neighbourhood. which lasted for a full hour. it was a hot sweaty affair. pure darkness. and oh, it's my birthday. not any birthday but the 21st birthday. well the most significant thing i did today was to get my tailored suit. that was all. really all.

anyway, my kind of wishes:
1. i'd be better at schoolwork.

3. loved ones are well and happy.
4. peace shall prevail.
5. friends are all around.
6. i could marry when i want to.

yeah thank you everyone, for your happy wishes :) a US friend didn't think the 21st birthday is important in Singapore. it kind of is to me. i can legally do a lot of things hehehe. well anyway, it's important not so much because i'd get to do grand things on this particular date. but because of your thoughts and words. especially my girlfriend. thank you!

P/S: the second and the seventh wishes are private so yeah :D

198-year divide

2007-11-28T04:04:00.000+08:00

Vietnam's a mere two-hour flight from Singapore, but they're two centuries apart in development. it's not a simple task to find things in which Vietnam fares as well as Singapore. but in 2007, there're at least two fields that see Vietnam on par with Singapore. or even better.

let's first talk inflation. in Vietnam, fuel prices are just increased by VND 1,700 per litre, thereby "fuelling" even further food prices. even salarymen of VND 3 million a month are feeling the crunch. well, sympathy aside, i should be happy i'm gonna live in a more expensive neighbourhood without having to move when i return home this December.

so as Singapore's roaring to its all-time high inflation rate of 5%, Vietnam's galloping to 10% odd. this is ridiculous. everybody needs to spend more on everything, especially when i think we need to save money. well, in case it becomes valuable again in the future. inflated hope?

next comes the economics of traffic jam: in Hanoi and HCMC, demand outstrips supply, thus unit price must increase. and so the ladies and gentlemen up above decide to impose annual vehicle usage fee, and increase new registration charges. sounds like best-practice policies to streamline the humongous traffic volumes as world-class Singapore has it too. a lot of it.

but ladies and gentlemen, please mind the 198-year divide. in Singapore, people can rely on convenient public transport to avoid the high cost of driving. but it's a mission impossible alternative for the million motorists in Vietnam.

just my late-night scribble. maybe the hours on my macroeconomics revision for tomorrow exam have been exciting enough for me to spot the similarities between the different Vietnam and Singapore. but please, don't gimme more of this.

homoeconomicus speaks

2007-11-01T15:58:00.000+08:00

it's been conventional wisdom that Vietnam's prime time has come. this Lexus owner (whose Vietnam friend heads VinaCapital) could travel to Ho Chi Minh City way more often than me. and media coverage on the country has been like torrents of positivity. also look at the international attention the Prime Minister commands on his overseas visits.

when the hype runs high, it's always good to be attached to reality so yeah, i shall be a cynic on the other side of the coin, less polished and less frequented.

let's see. FDI's gonna exceed US$12 billion this year. but no, Vietnam's energy resources are seriously too wanting to materialise half of that. not to mention the severe inadequacy of connectivity. the proportion of investment that materialises into factories comes at the cost of environmental degradation, which if accounted for could well reduce real GDP growth by 4 to 5 percentage points. so yeah, even as Vietnam's roaring to its 8.5% growth benchmark, there's little cause for celebration.

there's still the other villain of "galloping" inflation. the PM demands controlled price increase. but looks like his ministers could best hold it at 8%, due to the inherent high import composition of the economy, especially of petrol and diesel fuel. but 8% is ridiculous. minimum wage rate is expected to rise, but that's too little to even play good catch-up, let alone a keep-up game, with inflation.

it doesn't at all matter to the Da Nang man who just ordered a US$2 million private yacht or the HCMC tycoon with his US$1.5 million chauffeured limousine. but damn it, to the civil servants and school teachers and even university lecturers whose average pay is at most US$150, the case's alarming. to think many are intellectuals. "cheap grey matter" eh.

to the extent that Vietnam is littered with such impediments, it's simply economic growth, not at all economic development. the conventional wisdom is kind of unconventional after all.

my sister's 17!!

2007-10-22T18:54:00.000+08:00

on this date 17 years ago, my sister came into our life. i was 4, and i vaguely remember at the moment me and my dad on a wooden bench, and then my dad stood up and walked into that room and i followed briskly after him. and when my dad was all into my mom, i took careful teps onto the bed, towards that little thing... but i didn't manage to carry the thing; what a pity, but my mom was firm i'd better not attempt anything funny.

i can't remember how it all really started. in psychology, it's said that we can't quite recall events that happen before the age of 3 to 4 so yeah, that's how i'd like to remember the first moments of our little thing. but there are moments to remember through the 17 years that little thing's been with us; say, me and her used to love playing on the escalator at An Dong Market eons ago, or this one time when i accidentally pushed her off the stairs and my dad gave me a real bad blast, or the time i was late picking her up after her primary one class and she got lost and my mom was real mad. things like that, cute and kind.

after 17 years, that little thing's still very little. physically and psychologically. i've always thought it's been unfair to her. as if i've always had the good stuff and she has to make do with the left-overs. see, i used to get to go on field trips to places and she didn't. i've always had more friends than her. and i've always been this smart and popular and good-looking big brother of hers. i'd be the talk of the town, both good and bad, but not her. when i've grown up since a young age, she's still very little, innocent of what life is about. my little sister's not academically inclined, not outgoing, not pretty, not fit.

but you're beautiful, that's for sure. for i never thought you'd fight for me when i was simply casually bullied in a game. for all the thoughts you've had for me and our mom, unsaid and precious. for the sacrifices you've made. for you love me, and for i love you too. you know something, you might not be a top student, a scholar, or a gifted person. that doesn't matter to me. in fact, scholarship and the academics don't impress your brother baby. it's your values, and the value of you. and i'll be here for you all the way, and make sure that my little thing's not ever bullied in this cruel world of comparative advantage and natural selection.

how i love 17. and how i love my sister!! happy birthday baby. i'd be home soon.

black or white

2007-10-19T18:09:00.000+08:00

there's semantic distinction between a nation state and a state nation. the basic idea is that a nation state tends toward homogeneity, whereas a state nation could accept, or tolerate, heterogeneity. and so in my democracy class, the professor asked, out of curiosity, about the state of a multi-racial Singapore (maybe because he's South African).

anyway, this clever Malay (do not be surprised) boy said that Singapore's not honest about racial harmony; racism exists, albeit illicit, but the government does not wish to promote honest discussion on this. he made sense. it's a socially embedded subconscious: jokes, beliefs that Chinese are "hard-working" and "intelligent" and Malay "happy-go-lucky" and "lazy".

and a Chinese "government" boy responded that it's about racial tolerance; racism might admittedly exist, but as long as people tolerate racial differences and practices Singapore's good to go. a classic case of community before self!

how come it seems like the Indian people are entirely missed out... oh well, never mind. if you get what i mean.

and yeah, i'm thrilled that, coincidentally, Nobel laureate James Watson went as far as claiming that black people are not as intelligent as white people (and therefore, western social programmes just don't work in Africa). this is seriously politically incorrect. and i kind of like that.

of course, Singapore's not the only place that's not totally honest about it. British intellectuals and policy-advisors slammed his remark bad. and the London's Science Museum cancelled a scheduled talk by Watson. well, very few things are badder taboos than racism exposed. one's same-sex marriage.

affirmative action through the camera lenses of Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty! "But suppose God is black? What if we go to Heaven and we, all our lives, have treated the Negro as an inferior, and God is there, and we look up and He is not white? What then is our response?" - Robert F. Kennedy

update: Dr. Watson has just "unreservedly" apologised for his inferred remark on whites' superior intelligence to blacks on Oct 20, 2007.

Gimme More 666!!!

2007-10-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

so it's been a sexy affair with you. see, i touched on you for the first time at about this hour, six years ago. it wasn't too dark, but i couldn't really see much of you, as my mind went blank indulging in the good feelings only a virgin boy could savour. and only once. and yeah, after a ride of about a half hour, i came...

it's been six years. and plenty of times you've made me happy, especially as i get to explore all the deep and dark corners of you and breathe into me your exotic beauty and have you as part of my world. over the years. and you've brought out a me i never think i would be; and i'd think, no matter who i ever touch on, i'd come to you in the end. you're that good baby.

of course, you've made me cry too. there were times i thought you didn't give me any chance; i felt so alone, for it seemed like the one i trusted so much and so real had abandoned me. i'd miss our times of happiness, those times when you made me feel high and top of the world. the miss of the climaxes we've had always hurts me real bad.

you've become an important part of me. a home, for me to rest, and for my desire and ambition and imagination. so important i'd wanna put our relationship on particularly graphic terms so as to forever capture the essence of us, here and now: it's those climaxes that make me smile, and those turn-offs that make me cry.

yup, i'd love to stand up for Singapore. please stand up! please stand up! well the time-series graph shows how "developed" i think i've become. over the years. and oh, the numerical values are kind of arbitrary; i think it should be from 0 to 20. oh well, lots of ups and downs, hmm. but i guess what's important is not where i am, but where i'm heading.

yup, gimme more of those good feelings baby! i love your islands!

Goal 1. Goal 2. Goal 3.

2007-09-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

somebody would roll her eyes real bad to see me now browsing those Vietnam online news portals (VietNamNet and VNExpress) for soccer updates. when i'm no fanatic of the game. just curious over who wins who. especially on Vietnam and Arsenal (of course i also am rooted for other favourites, Japan in Asia and Italy from Europe and Argentina of the Americas).

and it's been a loving affair (even the eye thing is lovely). Arsenal's been gunning out enemies all the way this season, in that charming way that the London assasins get their preys. well i didn't watch the battles; that's reported news. well Arsenal might never win the EPL again, but there's always a romance in their game.

and 2007 sure is a boom for Vietnam. as if a shooting star tailed over the nation. the team keeps scoring and winning and taking precious draws. damn! imagine 5-foot tall boys pitching against the athletes of Japan and the sun-hardened runners from the Middle East. it's been heartening (and a little unfortunate) there's such founded progress. let's hope to see a good swim in the shallows of Southeast Asia end of the year.

anyway... as I've submitted my outline on "Poverty alleviation in Vietnam: How effective has the use of forest resources been to pro-poor development from 1986 to present?",

Goal 1: I'll get my study right, and then Goal 2: I'll play, but not too much; because Goal 3: i would want to tease the girl, not all the way but it's gugugaga... [inspired by Hairspray's I can hear the bells].

look here, I can see the goals!

unfucked

2007-09-04T01:45:00.000+08:00

over is the 3rd week of school. i almost had it in for me resorting to something as stupid as ... class rigging. the risk factor was bad; i could've ended up as an SMU irregular on only 3 course credits. but yeah, something so stupid could bring about something beautiful. like how i know there'd be someone who'd stand by me even when i do stupid things.

and i love to be pampered, and i am pampered sensationally with DKNY Be Delicious, the sweet thing that sets my senses deliriously happy. muacksss. i love the Green Apple!

anyway...

it's been a year since i started on my blogger space at the beginning of the SMU thing. i've been a faithful archiving my goodwill and misdeeds as well as pet peeves. and yeah, it's like a private document on the angst teenager that is me. in the past year. when i'd been fucked. had been, because it was a bad start, a bad attitude, and an unhappy ending. had been, because it's an end anyway. and a start of something new and better.

and also someone. who brings a good attitude. who is more than a human to me. and who makes me feel like a human. she unfucks me. well it doesn't sound (just doesn't sound) like a fortunate thing. but i don't at all think it's gonna be a series of unfortunate events.

and therefore, i'm unfucked.

Asian Casino Cash

2007-08-28T23:46:00.000+08:00

Las Vegas Sands proudly presents today the US$2.4 billion Venetian Macau, the world's biggest casino. it's a "massive step" by the company to transform the Chinese gambling enclave into a family entertainment centre that would rival Hong Kong and Japan for the Chinese tourist dollars.

this is how the 3000-suite casino complex looks. the huge investment epitomises the ongoing trend of the Asian casino cash. Japan's considering a casino or two. and Singapore's already rewarded two bids for its Marina Bay and Sentosa Integrated Resorts (IR). and Malaysia has not only a renown casino highland; the country also registers a worldclass casino developer, Genting International.

this is good news. the city of lights Las Vegas would feel the heat from not only a renaissance Macau. the excitement runs across Asia; iconic buildings, concept art houses, performing theatres, MICE centres and etc. are redefining a 21st century casino experience.

just a thing. Las Vegas Sands is also building the Marina Bay Sands IR. it's yet another huge investment that would see Singapore metamorph the country's international image, and develop into a new focal point on the world's casino map. especially when the Sentosa IR comes in 2010. under Genting International.

i'm thinking if this is wise. this thing about Las Vegas Sands' omnipresence in the Asian casino scene. of course it's laissez faire business; the strongest bidder wins. and Asia could well accommodate more than just one casino hub. but what if the Singapore's IR or the Venetian Macau fails? i doubt Sands would, or could, take equal care of both. and the host(s) might suffer.

tell me all your thoughts on God

2007-08-27T11:08:00.000+08:00

i beat the alarm clock by 10 minutes. was eager to once be on time for philosophy of religion. a morning class. and fact is, i reached school well before time. but well, God was probably angry (as i didn't do the readings on him proper) He cancelled class and had the few of us (only a few) unaware. well, we underappreciated the Vista Mail. which nobody uses.

very well. i'd have more time to repent on my readings. especially when i've decided to not go to marketing class in the afternoon. well it's a half class, and the cost-benefit analysis favours my decision. well this is against my rule that i would not skip class this term. but yup, circumstances do call for smart flexibility.

anyway, the fall after breakfast was embarrassing. and my palm hurts bad. hmm my arms have been rigorously tested these days. first the elbows. and now this.

hmm and so we were talking over breakfast. and i had to go through that STB thing again. i'm thinking, it must be amazing how i could talk about something so critical with my mind at ease. maybe i'm taking consolation at that it's really difficult to get a GPA of 3.8, and so i need not be too remorseful about my dismal thing called grade. hmm, or maybe i'd been grieved enough. to know what i need to do.

the dea(r)th of talent

2007-08-07T13:01:00.000+08:00

"ST Forum Page letter writer Ace Kindred Cheong: If you are a young man in your 30s and a lawyer, and asked to contribute to Singapore to be a politician and join the PAP, would you oblige and forsake the high-paying salary as a lawyer to be a politician? If yes, why; and if no, why?

MM Lee: It depends on what kind of life I had before I reached 30. If I was brought up poor and I made the grade through government scholarships, then I'd probably feel a certain moral obligation and say, yes, I got to keep this system going because this system gave me that lift. But if I came from a fairly comfortable family and I've never had any hardships, and I got a career path ahead of me... "

so fewer top students are going for government scholarships. in the case of MM Lee's grandson, it was because he didn't wanna serve the bond. which i think mirrors many "scholarly" minds today. in the past, government scholarships were a direct ticket to career success and life fulfillment in Singapore. in today's circumstances, talent is spoilt for choices. and societal change has meant that these people do not feel the need to step up.

"if somebody can do it, let him do it." something that sounds a lot like Vietnam. is it the death of talent, or the dearth of talent?

a government scholarship was, and is, still my choice. despite the gruesome mental torture, and the seemingly pending financial catastrophe. maybe because i'm a foreigner (which is ironic). maybe because i've wanted to be with STB since my J1 (though i never thought it'd come true).

for sure, it is because it's part of my plan. i might not make it the way Mr Slim overtook the Mr Gates' long standing position on Forbes' World's Richest Man ranking yesterday. but that's not my plan anyway. i'd work to be unfucked. to make my plan.

wind it up

2007-07-31T22:27:00.001+08:00

ooh yeah, i'd be taking 4 classes the coming term. felt a tinge of loss for like a second over the few overbid e-dollars. but well, what matters more is that i got the classes (philosophy of religion, marketing, economic development in asia and democracy). and i kind of like the timetable. the way it should be for me to wind it up for the semester of redemption.

and so i ended my work at loyang secondary school. was kind of sad on that last day. but i was all happy and sleeping soon after. yeah i'm gonna miss some kids for a while. anyway i stopped working for a good reason. or maybe two. and up to date i'm glad i did. there's much to enjoy and to do, at least until this weekend. this council day thing is a mess...

and despite the sissy things i had done on me and the cutesy (and hurting) abuse, it's been some good time. you know i wanna wind it up.

me myself and i

2007-07-24T21:51:00.000+08:00

and so the 3 day relief teaching thing turned into a 3 week babysitting stint. it's been welcoming. a little in excess at times. the kids have been noisy and nasty. well, and sometimes they really mindfuck me bad. but i do think there's more than just academic excellence (or compliance) to a student. so yeah, the many boys and girls here are just cute beings who play deviant.

i had the most monotonous day. had to sit in some design and technology class. and i was so free and bored i was amused at the simplest thing. like all the tools and crafts and models the students are working on. like there was this back massage thing (was very tempted to try though it didn't seem to work too well). hmm and i realise the class is pretty well equipped. and it's like a neighbourhood school. tsk tsk. the Singapore norm is well others' luxury.

maybe that explains the Singapore competitiveness. even the UK has just commented that their GCSEs are just a watered-down thing of the O Levels. but i hate it when the economy here is doing good, especially when it's too good for my own good. like how rents and living expenses have all gone up, except my allowance (which might not even come). some things shouldn't stay the same man.

Lao Jiu - the 9th born

2007-07-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

"written by the late Kua Pao Kun, Lao Jiu mirrors the struggles between pragmatic materialism and the pursuit of artistic excellence."

and so, the initial half hearted effort metamorphed into a spark that thrived on this thing called passion, camwhorish friendship, break-time gossips and harmless bickering. there was a time when the production was a pain; it took away my many things. and there was a time when it was my everything. i'd miss 1. the friends (yes, you bitches and jokers), 2. July 6 to 8 and 3. those 30 lovers of mine who appreciated the drama debut.

Thanks Pearlyn, for coming to watch me on your birthday itself. and Ivan, for rushing off from camp (to be a narcissist at home) to catch me in the act. and Ping Aik, the taxi wait was my pleasure. and Tiang Lim's camera phone made me all gorgeous at the end of the show.

and on Saturday, July 7, 2007, 19 ladies and gentlemen made me the happiest boy that walked the stage (the 20th overslept. oh well.) thanks Michelle and Sarah, for the purple rose. and you looked hot (especially Sarah). and Lusi, you shouldn't have passed me the absolut irresistible. the purple ribbon was cute though. and the note's sweet. thanks Xin Yi, for coming after 2 hours of sleep. and i could fall in love with your voice. and to Sherly, Ying Herng, She Weay, Kai Lin (though you overslept), Chun Leen, Chee Kiang and Chun Kiang, i'll always be with you, my sweet things. Brian and Yokey and Richard and Tikka, we were almost FABulous. if only Fel could make it. and Thu and Dung, your dresses looked great. and ooh, my Jasper friend felt hot on the neck after i did a certain intimate thing.

i had 3 ladies on my last night. and the boyfriends (such a convenient way to boost ticket sale). Angeline, i couldn't just thank you for coming down just for my show. of course i knew of your hidden agenda. and Davina, Lan Anh wasn't wrong about you. always supportive. and you know something Jing Ting, my friend said your boyfriend's really friendly.

we like to Stage It Stage It!

beautifuls

2007-06-18T14:11:00.000+08:00

"so no one told me life's gonna be this way." i've moved into the Outram Park place. and Singtel isn't coming down until the end of the month. "my job's a joke i'm broke,my love life's DOA." so yeah, my phone's out and i'm burning money before it even comes. "it's like i'm always stuck in second gear. when it hasn't been my day my week, or even my year." ah well, i decide on good songs to sooth/blast/tempt/love/sleaze my soul. tough call, but here's the standing top ten:

1. Sexy Love, Ne-Yo

2. Hate that I Love You, Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo

3. Save the Last Dance for Me, Michael Buble

4. You Don't Know Me, Michael Buble

5. Everything, Michael Buble

6. He's a Pirate, DJ Tiesto

7. Deja Vu, Beyonce feat. Jay-Z

8. Umbrella, Rihanna

9. Adrenalin, Purple Haze

10. Get Me Bodied, Beyonce

sweet!

Atychiphobia

2007-06-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

Britain's Warwick dropped its Singapore plan in 2005. America's Johns Hopkins pulled out in 2006. and the fiasco has gone Down Under to the UNSW this year. However, the blame on the EDB seems to be out of proportion. Millions of tax money has been misspent, yes. But all in the good spirit of driving the Singapore hub-of-hubs aspiration, which in this case is the regional education powerhouse. Just a note, who has ever succeeded without any failure? We tend to be over critical under the circumstances. And the fear of failures is the one thing that would really bring Singapore down under, not the EDB's one-off miscalculation.

if there's one bad thing about Singapore, i think this should be it. the fear of failures. atychiphobia. the stress on success (often masqueraded as the importance of hard work) has been both a boon and a bane. it's the key to Singapore's From Third World to First laurels. and seems like it's also a reason why the Singapore life might not be as fulfilling as the Costa Rica or the Vietnam life on the Happy Planet Index. this shade of blue is ugly. from the economic czar Philip Yeo to the man on the street, people talk success, work success and breathe success, without much tolerance for failures. we're in luck failure's not outlawed here.

well whatever it is, there's still much more to be in love with Singapore for.

"Alas, I'm dying beyond my means."

2007-06-02T08:27:00.000+08:00

May 30 was a disaster in disguise of public holiday eve. it was a total of 4 hours clubhopping before we could actually sleazed on the club hop. anyway MOS was a bad deal for the Zouk faithfuls. the night of many should-haves.

and my phone battery had to go flat right when i needed it most. and it still had it in for me that the entire inbox was cleared. well i may not sound that upset and disappointed here. but i was that upset and disappointed.

FRAB was FAB on May 31. there was a shade of blue. fascinating to think how love could heal a broken love. like, the one thing that makes you cry is the one thing that would stop your tears. anyway, i think scientology should be a philosophy and not a religion per se. well maybe it's an unorthodox religion. but that itself would hardly make it a religion.

"Religion is the human response to being alive and having to die."

F. Forrester Church
and boy, your religion was beautiful!

10 things about me

2007-05-30T16:44:00.000+08:00

You've been tagged! Rule of the game: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things, habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own 10 weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!

(1) i'm a not so green environmentalist. i use a lot of toilet paper.

(2) i can be very bodily-kinesthetically intelligent. i can put my legs behind my neck.

(3) and impossible is nothing. i can lick my own elbow.
(4) without doing laundry, my clothes could last me for 2 weeks.

(5) i'm a saint sinner. i contemplate doing not-so-good things only to do them and feel all conscious afterwards.

(6) i don't get high eating chocolate. and i don't like ice cream.
(7) as of April 2007, my waistline is 26.77 inches.

(8) i display bisexual tendencies. but i'm pretty sure i'm straight.
(9) i've flirted, with serious intentions, with 3 girls.

(10) i want a bigger rounder sexier ass!

I TAG: people who've commented on my blog!

upgrade me!

2007-05-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

me and Pearlyn caught the pirates At World's End after what seemed like an eternity of a meal at Billy Bombers' (the American thing was never more filling). quick things: Pearlyn's now a total vegetarian convert; and it must've been Persis (my sort of frenemy) right in front of me. anyway i love the cinematography of the average show. and the tipsy gayly captain Jack was a lovely Shaker trouper onscreen.

and let's not forget Mr Chow "Welcome to Singapore" Yun Fat. i just am so Asian and Afro about it; movies, music, books. something's gotta steal the Hollywood scene away from the Pitts and Cruises and Albas and Jolies. and the thinkers and movers and shakers from the West. oh well there aren't many worthy names to be mentioned right now. but give me 20 years and i should be there.

the Odyssey at Gotham hyped me up very much not. well except for this Sidney boy me and Kai Lin were all eyes on. i feel like having another fix soon. and i won't smoke again! by the way i'm kind of sexed up on Beyonce's B'day Deluxe.

Deja Vu Italiano

2007-05-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

after the 90+5 minutes of average thrill Milan added another page of glory to the club, the 7th Cup that brings them a step closer to Real Madrid, with a colossal asset of 9. average thrill, but there were moments during that game when the thrill shot way beyond the threshold of average, and the senses just felt so powerless. like when Kuyt (i really think this name is very ugly) scored Liverpool's 89th minute goal. and the 3 minutes of extra time felt like forever.

i didn't bet. and the suspense already could kill. the surge of adrenaline (or the total collapse of hope and wealth) could really bring heroin kinda high to big betters eh. well me and Stanley chipped in 80 bucks on the 2006 World Cup (my first time). but it wasn't that thrilling, cuz we calculated so good that it was impossible to make a big loss (or gain). thing is, i lost all the tickets so yeah, we lost all 80 bucks in the end.

and man Kaka the angel is a total heart throb. if i were him i'd have my face insured or something. well i can't decide whether Kaka or C. Ronaldo looks better. anyway it was good that Milan took the Cup. like the way it felt when Italy became world champions last year. this is so Deja Vu.

who says grades don't matter?

2007-05-22T15:45:00.000+08:00

the S'pore Prime Minister earns big. his Ministers earn big (Bush Jr. had a good reason to once joke he should come to S'pore and be a minister.) well the good pie's gonna further be shared with fresh graduate civil servants. bravo to S'pore, a small place where civil service is monetarily appreciated big.

at an 8% to a 24% up on basic salary, the engineers can go hullabaloo being the biggest gainers (up to S$3190), while the economists would sip on a good life getting the biggest numbers on their cheques, S$3320. and so, soon enough the civil officers could comfortably parallel the average S$2900 thereabouts that business graduates rake in a month.

thing is, some engineers would stand to gain more than others. i'm not too sure how the pay raise is formulated. but it looks like a good honours degree is worth much more than just a piece of paper, as the graduate grade is a very significant determinant of whether one's in the upper quartile of the increase.

well this corporate meritocracy doesn't favour me at all. most probably i'd start off in the public sector. and so even as the common pay scale isn't at all depressed, i am depressed. to quote Sigmund Freud, "Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness." well Tuan promises to work hard to be human again.

a tale of two (univer)cities

2007-05-20T01:38:00.000+08:00

the S'pore Management University (SMU) prides itself on being different; different admission criteria, different pedagogy, and different students. there's no doubt it's a whole different culture here. and that's about all there is in the applicant's mind, though he might not know how different SMU is.

the Nanyang Technological University (NTU) carries a bad name, literally. Nanyang is just too Chinese to English speaking people, even those who act English. and Technological sounds (almost) like a taboo. the bad name translates into a conservative image of an old-school institution that does not evolve with time.

and a toast to the SMU brand promotion campaigns. SMU is known to be different. well "different" sounds good, especially to those who are not different. the numbers look great on the SMU factsheet: in 2006, 80% of graduating students received job offers before graduation day, and 100% were employed within 6 months of graduation.

the question is, is being different also being better? also in 2006, 9 in 10 NTU graduates were offered jobs either before graduation or within a month of graduation. and 98% found jobs within 4 months. and average salary figures for the business graduates stand at S$2939 for the conservatives and $2850 for the liberals.

i hate to look at education through such corporate lenses. but it does reveal that being different does not necessarily mean being better. the SMU philosophy of seminar classes does encourage active class participation. but the lecture and tutorial class system might work better for some people, like me.

and i'm certain that SMU students are not that different after all. they might be more outspoken and better groomed. but the substance might be severely wanting. and many in SMU speak bad English the way plenty of NTU people do. thing is, people won't become different just by entering a "different" school.

Disclaimer: i'm not saying that NTU's better than SMU. NTU might be contemplating a name change (don't underestimate the significance of a brand). but the Nanyang elder still has a lot to work on, especially its Chinese culture. SMU has its edge; nothing comes close to its urban campus, which not only learns, but also lives.

and the moral of the tale: the best might not be the best for you. walk the path that's best to you, not to people. and whatever you are, be a good one!

certified

2007-05-18T03:48:00.000+08:00

i trusted her. but the truth is the fucking truth.

betrayal of trust is the 8th sin. it doesn't just suck. it fucks me bad. so yup, don't mess with me there. please don't even think about it, cuz probably things will never be the same again. and i don't want that. i want to be your friend.

i remember what happened the last time this happened. it was nasty. i thought i did the right kind of wrong. but it was totally regrettable. so yup, we'll still be friends. some things don't change. if only some things didn't change.

this is uncool, but i'm bitter. some things do change.

sexy 21

2007-05-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

Kai Lin turned 21 yesterday. and many other people can now get movie tickets at Yangtze Cineplex or legitimately have a drink at Rouge (for the ladies). well if it's sweet 16 i think being 21 is sexy. it's the time when you start to be adult about things. yup, no matter how adult you think you are about sex and relationships and money matters at 18, you are not. it's sexy 21.

so we had a good time sipping the night away for me and gulping down buckets for the rest at Cafe del Mar. it was good seeing them all again after the many months, to get to know of a break-up and to tell of a break-up. and it was definitely a hot sand and sea kind of sweaty affair going clap back by the poolside. and Michelle was there. it was the third time.

i'm gonna be sexy in December then. 7 months to enjoy the once in a lifetime 20 of age until then. and Zouk Out would be great. but then again, a simple thing will do.

"Well woman the way the time cold I wanna be keepin' you warm

I got the right temperature for shelter you from the storm

Oh lord, gal I got the right tactics to turn you on, and girl I...

Wanna be the Papa...You can be the Mom....oh oh!"

... going through my mind at 3:21am.

Mother's Day

2007-05-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

a happy day to my wonder mom, who'd say the same things to me every time on the phone, who thinks my dress sense is bizarre, who keeps me at home when i'm home and who asks me not to be out when i'm here in S'pore, who doesn't compliment my anything and doesn't at all believe that i'm cute and that people think i look good, who thinks she looks really good and young and only-she-can-fill-in-the-blank-here.

i love the same old "take care" and "live proper" and "study hard" of hers over the phone. i love to stay home when i'm home, cuz she seems to enjoy my jokes. i love explaining to my mom how the way i dress is really decent. and by the way, my mom also thinks i'm smart (bloody smart after my self promotion tales). and she's proud of me. and i think she's looking better and better (no Oedipus complex here).

what's good this week is: 1. seeing Janice and Camy all good with the boys, and seeing them move, 2. A Midsummer Night's Dream, which was incomplete to me, 3. meeting Raj my hotFRONT boy (who calls me sexyBACK) at both MOS and Zouk. to think we only met twice in the 3 years of a lot like friendship.

and the baddest thing that could've happened, and happened, is some weird sickness which has me vomiting bad food and nice food and tasteless food, like a bulimic anorexic. argh i don't wanna mention the other bad boy; it's a bit too distasteful here.

rockin' and a-reelin'

2007-05-08T14:15:00.000+08:00

3 weeks into the holidays. and i so wish:

1. i'd decided to spend the time in Vietnam. it's 4 months. and looking at the way things are now i don't think i could be home for that long in the coming years.

2. STB would be extremely understanding as i mail them the GPA. i really don't wanna come down to the Tourism Court explaing to them what happened anymore. ah fuck.

3. i'd get a job to sustain a prudent life here. it's a sad life without money. really, as the favourite dine and wine places are so near, yet so far.

4. i could find a roommate and move out of the hostel. Tuan's sick of the 24/7 aircon. and the bunk bed's a horror. i don't feel like sleeping. and my body aches in the morning.

5. i knew what i want. so that there could be a better life. and that i could sleep and wake proper. and that i could stop pissing off me and my mom and the friends.

basically i'm mindfucked. stress and dejection and negativity and irregularity. like the rocking and a reeling kinda feel; just that it's surfing without enjoying the waves.

Labour Day

2007-05-02T23:58:00.000+08:00

greetings to Pearlyn (who thought i'd disappeared off the face of Earth). and i was back at the nostalgic Anatolia. but i don't wanna think about it anymore. anyway i could understand why my kebab was kinda burnt. but so was the tomato o_O oh yeah Pearlyn was just having mixed salads; it was one of those days for her, and it happens twice a month -wink-

look at the pic!!! i think those white "roses" are amazing. i styled them all nicely on the form-holder-turned-improvised-vase. thanks Pearlyn. and that's her in the pic by the way. almost forgot to mention that hahaha.

and i was high on Tiesto waiting for Lusi. my ears hurt in deep pleasure. she came (if she wasn't looking retro cute in that dress top i'd have acted sulky for all the waiting time), and caught me "cheating" hahaha. we had dinner at Billy Bombers'. and i love it. but the place's gonna close down and move to Cathay soon :(

9.30pm: it was an amazing thing to be right there in the Grand Cathay - like no other - as Spiderman hit S'pore. the sounds and the scenes increasingly hyped up the senses, already excited by the built up anticipation. a good show, but not awesome. the villains are too surreally monstrous this time. and it isn't a happy ending.

and i realize it's a beautiful thing to propose to a woman.

poetic history

2007-04-29T17:20:00.000+08:00

i like boys, but i do prefer girls,

once i've had enough of her as a girl,

i can still make use of her as a boy.

Goethe

it's a distich in the original German form. some good lines to romp up a peaceful sunday.

anyway, been down for stage it. and up on a birthday that left me nonchalant about birthday. and a campfire; it's always great to be back to the good old school, especially to check out the new boys and girls. there were the sweet darlings and man i can love their sweat. and a musical. a week that shouldn't have been budget.

what's history? it's the romance behind the facts. it's the Iron Curtain and the Berlin Wall. it's a Madonna that constantly adapts to time. it's capitalism, socialism and now is terrorism. it's Rorschach inkblot. history is the literature of life. it is seen through a rear mirror on a moving car, and only men of vision could ride a good journey. history lives; it outlives even the men who brush on the timeline. history is you and me.

and i should always be with you.

one week

2007-04-22T01:59:00.000+08:00

monday. why should a loving man let another man sleep naked with him and his wife? and why should a loving woman wanna hold another man's hand, in front of the husband? oh is it love. The Red Cockatoo's a puzzle. anyway Lusi wanted to flirt with an empty chair.

tuesday. a failed job hunt with CK the metro boy. in love with him. and i had 2 ice cream cones. foosball battle at Adidas. Paradiz pools. boys' night out at Boat Quay. sort of gay until boys and a girl met at Chocz. on finger guessing game. we ruled.

wednesday. S'pore Street Festival briefing. sounded like a lot of fun. Changing Appetite revisited. and Fond Hugs is now simply Fond. Stage It ended early. vodka root beer, courtesy of Lusi before the Mambo lovers packed the floor. Phuture sex sound wasn't too sexy.

thursday. FRAB New York New York lunch. 1 free main course for every 3 ordered. 4's a nice number sometimes. bad news: the hostel refused to let me change room [%*&(*)*@&amp;amp;(&(%$$&] i wanna move out. but can't o_O

friday. Lusi does have some good taste. in slippers. off to Sentosa on the monorail (my first!!!). Palawan beach. unsightly sea plants and the "unknown". i wanna know how to swim. Lusi's gonna marry twice. and me to someone i don't know. lovely music at Bora Bora. the night was peaceful at Vivo City.

saturday. LTB dinner at Ricciotti. the turkish ice cream guy amused me. and the Billy Bombers' guy must've really hated us. oops. and happy birthday to Zouk. it's sweet 16.

so the first week went fine. except for the COMM grade. which sucks. gotta get a job or something. or i'd have to stay home most of the time. tomorrow's gonna be clean-up day. the room's getting way too messy. ah i need a good fix. guilt ridden. sin ridden.

memories reloaded

2007-04-19T23:23:00.000+08:00

there's my very first proper hand written diary. the book was a birthday thing from my first proper crush hahaha. anyway i started writing in S'pore. was a spasmodic diarist so yeah, pretty surprised that the book's almost filled. stuffs from oct 10, '01 to jan 28, '05. "life takes its hues from the colours of your mind."

there're sweet neoprints with Li Ying, with Sarah, and with Kangya and Kayleigh. i miss Li Ying. the neoprint looked so sweet. we had so much together. and i hope i'd meet Kangya and Kayleigh soon now that my papers were all over. and Sarah, i'd be nice and say get well soon, though you ditched us last night.

there're photos of my family and me. i think my sister was so pretty and adorable. and Mom looked like she'd love me forever. i love you. there're also photos of the China trip, the VS Teachers' Day performance, and random snaps here and there. i miss Dunman High. and i miss TJ.

and so i was just randomly looking at stuffs in the room. and found these precious little things. thought i'd lost them all =) maybe blogs are more convenient. maybe me and Li Ying won't ever talk again. and maybe the good old days ain't coming back. but memories will live on in me.

hang-up

2007-04-15T22:45:00.001+08:00

first holiday week's here. and all the fabulous plans are in - cidentally smashed by StageIt schedule. nice timing! to think i was all excited and in a life-is-beautiful kind of mood. it's now life-is-beautiful-until-you-know-it. i feel bad and sad and badder and sadder. who loves ruins? archeologists ain't human.

argh this hang-up will not be loved. i decide that StageIt wins most of the time. but occasional defeats wouldn't kill so yeah, sometimes when something happens to be more important, StageIt gotta give way. at least for this coming Friday and, i can't quite decide, either Wed or Mon. if only it could be both...

anyway exams are over. maybe i don't deserve good things in life right now (for thinking too much and doing too little and too late). but nah i cheered myself up sorting out the 3 top hand written letters of the year, in alphabetical order:

1. Lan Anh's New Year letter

2. Lusi's Valentine card

3. Xinyi's Birthday letters

i love you. the past few days were horrible (i mean every letter of it, capitalised) and these pretty little things made me think happy thoughts, and miss the time when i used to post at least one hand written thing every week. those were the days my friends. we thought they'd never end. yeah life-is-beautiful-until-you-know-it.

and the love poker pack's back with me. finally. but i can't find the peaceful looking worry person (i name him Naut). just when i wanna talk to him tonight...

am to pm

2007-04-09T04:31:00.000+08:00

i'm actually enjoying the texts i'm reading. e pathetically mathematical microecon is aesthetically (il)logical, somehow. and i love how RMSS just subtly celebrates multiple intelligences. and ooh i'm committing adultery with (introductory) psychology, banqueting on the multiple intellectual orgasms. who cares about the GPA? i'm grown and sexy.

well except that i do have to care about grades now. it was kinda cute, the way me and Lusi had it: grades = money; and money doesn't matter; it's what you can get with money. like how Lusi can get me with good grades and i matter. by the way that'd mean i'm like a social escort (haha funny). oh well but grades matter!!! oh fuck it.

so i have a hypocritical attitude to hipocrisy on the self actualization purpose of personal development.

well whatever that means. probably i'm malePMS-ing (pronounced /malepimsing/). yeah this is my second blank night. after celebrating some good random after hours cyber rolling on Easter. oh well it's grind time, if you know what i mean! for the battle begins tomorrow...

personality

2007-04-06T20:56:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

………………………………………………………………....

anhtuan: what's this oxymoron thing about?

character building is an oxymoron: it is

anhtuan: hahaha tell me how pls

character building is an oxymoron: you cannot build character

character building is an oxymoron: either you have or you dont

character building is an oxymoron: so assuming we all have

character building is an oxymoron: its not the character that changes

anhtuan: ooh so u see it as creativity teaching eh

character building is an oxymoron: but the choices that we make that change and determine our characters

character building is an oxymoron: so we are building out options, our choices, our worldview, our perspective, our perceptions...

anhtuan: can it be character development then?

character building is an oxymoron: and they all go into character

character building is an oxymoron: yes that maybe

anhtuan: hahaha is this like a KI essay

Is 'character building' an oxymoron?: yes it is

………………………………………………………………...

so yup, just wanted to see what my personality's like (if i do have one). and check out your VisualDNA! it's pretty cool.

04/04

2007-04-04T21:42:00.000+08:00

first thing, it's 04/04, and it's Xinyi's 20th birthday :) yppah yadhtrib to you girl. and i don't know if it's some kind of "reminder", cuz i chanced on many 4s today. like i woke up at 4:04, and reached my tuition place at 4:44. yeah 4's your favourite number, and this paragraph's to you Xinyi :) hahah you're probably cursing me now for an unworthy present.

it's 5 days into my revision timeline. spent 2 days on RMSS and apparently that wasn't enough. on the bright side, i'm a slight bit ahead of schedule for microecons. matter of fact i can wrap it up tonight IF i can stay awake. to think i've been going on 6 sleep hours these days. sometimes i really am determined and disciplined. some people should really be proud of me.

and IF i can make it through this time, i will really be proud of my capacity to be a mugger. totally! ah i miss my sister...

1800 252 1324

2007-04-01T21:54:00.000+08:00

on march 31, the blogosphere welcomed its newest member. apparently this random girl (literally) mistook my simplicity is beauty for length is strength hahaha. the girl's a total camwhore convert; and now she's into blogging. man i'm a proud convict who loves to inspire.

on april 1, i had my first, and best, april fools' prank :) a few honest concerned callers didn't even notice the date. an alarmed girl felt "extremely stupid". a sick friend told her mom about it only to realize it might be a joke. and a messager just asked, "are you like, still alive?"

the prank was for fun. but i realize you friends are for real. the AIDS hotline can serve more than its intended purpose sometimes. and if friends are like stars, you should be among the superstars. what a way to learn. probably the cheapest college ever.

Eddie dropped by. with good old beers. ah the best things in life come for free. literally. the beer was free. pumping me up before the battle resumes. yup 8 days to go to decide whether i shall stay here and continue looking good or stop being an invisible corrupt hand that sucks.

Promise!

2007-03-28T21:36:00.000+08:00

"hey Tuan, are you a recipient of the FireFly scholarship? cuz i called the agency and they said they didn't award any TJCian the scholarship. could you send me your award title and the year of award? it's for the college day report book i'm working on now." this is great! STB hasn't axed me and TJCians are already an extinct breed...

anyway i lost my way in a condo 2 hours ago. was there for the new tuition assignment. this girl plays soccer. and she hates council hahaha. looks like we're gonna fight. we talk good though, like friends. and boy i like the way she asked questions. the RJC caliber. and oh i should stop disillusioning people that i'm totally smart.

i presented on "cahgne is teh olny cnotsnat" last Tuesday. the intellectual minds challenged me with the Sahara, the Everest, the ocean, the sun... futile efforts against the one and only truth that holds. is it? cuz religious minds say it's God. interesting... and oh i'd really like to know if there's something you don't think will ever change.

last Saturday/Sunday, Hula Girls preluded The Lives of Others. fortunately the scare only ran for like 5 minutes. almost ruined my Picture House virgin visit. anyway, communism = the Smurfs, atheism, egalitarian utopia and mission impossible IV. and it's time GDR-efficient intelligence entered the equation.

2007 is a year of good movies!

night at the museum

2007-03-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

LTB portfolio is a pain. if only i could have like two clones. one would be doing all the write-ups and the other doing all the write-ups as well (yup there's loads to write on) and me checking on the two clones' work. well no pain no gain. so trite but so true. jia you Eclipse!

and finally, me and Lusi reached the Asian Civilisations Museum. the high ceilings and the cosy galleries excited the otherwise tired me. but the "resistant" doors could really be good disincentives to some people. anyway we refused to check out the South Asia gallery hahaha.

and i love the little random sofa corners. made me feel like a sultan hahaha. and ooh the mosque place was quite fun too. and Lusi was acting all weird. or maybe she wasn't acting. sometimes i really have no idea hahaha. before we left, i found out that the ACM shop has the best of changing rooms.

Robbie Williams on Angels to end the sweet day on a sweet note!

FRAB

2007-03-21T22:49:00.000+08:00

we just had dinner. the 2 FRAB hours were exciting, us telling each other about our little stories. and i am happy :) to think that we hadn't met for like 6 weeks, which might not seem too long but it was indeed long for us. was missing them all to bits and feeling sad. ooh and i think Manhattan serves better prawns than Fish n Co.

quick facts: Brian seems to look more radiant these days. i can so totally pounce on him every time the boy dresses that charming way. and i'm somehow attracted to the now somehow prettier Felicia hahaha (oops), in a friendly way of course. ooh Richard has this little thing on his ring finger (ahem).

i love you! and i'd so love to have a union dinner with us all hahaha, us 4 and our other 4 ;) that'd totally be fun. just let me accomplish my mission and look for the right one k! someone who's gonna be much better than your 3s now (oops) :D

Lusi's memorising her COMM speech now. and it puzzles me how people can't get some obvious fun pick-up lines. Michelle's probably sleeping. it's been tough on her. and i'm gonna study now. cheers on!

Monday theme

2007-03-19T23:57:00.001+08:00

we started small. moved steady. slipped tight. and paid dearly. and we rocked unexpected today :) the prof brought us to this social innovation centre at SMU. and we all were so excited. i love LTB anyhow, even if the Autism One conference or the SWAP initiative doesn't materialize. all the amazing projects.

Monday happy hours started on this Melodies from the Heart show by disabled children from Indonesia. community service works two ways, we help people explicit (food and books and education) and they help us implicit (introspection), the way the kids brought us a lease of life off the consuming GPA rat race.

Tuan loves those days that theme up to something meaningful. like today :) and ooh, i learnt that i shouldn't be so appearance conscious; the disabled kids didn't care about the way they looked. they might look bad, but they performed good :) one other good thing: Lusi's a certified camwhore convert, totally. thanks to ME!

i've never been to me

2007-03-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

psych test was physically draining. and satisfying too, the way it feels when you know exactly what you were writing about in the paper, especially when it was a concentrated knowledge and inquiry assessment. i feel like i could fall in love with school work soon. okay that'd be the one climax that i dread.

Downtown East barbeque chalet. sometimes i'm really impressed with my physical perseverance, especially in unrewarding things like a lone lost walk along Pasir Ris beach near midnight. hahaha so bloody irritated i wanted to bite myself. the night rocked on well into the morning. the sociable and charming me did it good despite not exactly knowing anyone there.

well i realized, after the chalet, that i'm so fortunate to have been here with all the love (platonic and romantic and academic) in the world, and that i'm also the quint-unfortunate to realize what's been on me too serious too late. the soul speak was orgasmic. i thought i knew myself. seems like i've never been to me.

here's a Crimson Tide quote, "we're here to preserve democracy, not to practise it." something to beautify my journalism bimbocy today so yup! by the way, while others are amassing oil and food stocks, S'pore wanna develop a sand reserves!

intelligence

2007-03-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

i mentioned Kishore Mahbubani when asked to cite someone who's "intelligent" (inverted comas cuz it's the exact word). he's the author of my favourite book, and he's proud to be an Asian who thinks Asians can't think. of course Winston Churchill and Nelson Mandela and Lee Kuan Yew and Thomas Friedman would make the list any time.

and "intelligent" tests are so skewed any way i look at it. the SAT, the GRE, and you-fill-in-the-blank. psychology class was on intelligence. as long as you're no less than an average Joe and you study hard, likely that you would be more "intelligent" than you actually are. well not saying this to justify my dismal 1980 for SAT but yeah...

i believe in Howard Gardner's multiple intelligences (though some "intelligent" critics think the man mistook talents for intelligences). high SAT scores might mean one'd do well in college. but that should be about it. in fact, my RMSS group's research is on how physical attractiveness influences one's success in life.

and how should i drain the S'pore River?

high

2007-03-15T23:21:00.000+08:00

it's some amazing feat that i managed to read up on microeconomics and (almost) complete the homework, and be done with one psychology chapter, all in a matter of 3 hours. well maybe the guilt of missing class urged me on to be Tuanefficient and use my brain proper.

sometimes i do wonder if i have actually been working hard. it's better. but not enough. and i get Tuanemonemo all over. but well, for the pure fact that i've missed out on the most important learning opportunities in SMU (RA, study missions and dance), i gotta work hard now to redeem myself.

it was a good day. good random chats and the good old mambo classic Dying inside to hold you just pump it up so high on me i feel the mambo adrenalin racing all over my body, after so long. and i'm on Higher now. the kind of house music that's my night cuppa. i realize i do love the politics of dancing.

Romp

2007-03-14T13:32:00.000+08:00

a dyke, a little gay boy and a slut (i mean it in the sweetest sense) had a food extravaganza at the riverside Modesto's last night. the little boy was totally into it and he didn't mind the saucy and sticky mess having the orgasmic pasta crab. seemed like the slut wanted to check the boy out so yeah, he did a catwalk. of course his ulterior motive was to see the slut strut her stuffs.

the dyke made the little gay boy feel so cheated. she didn't pull off the butchy pussy look she promised. to think the boy made sure he looked cutesy gay. ah but who cares; the boy was loving it. he felt cute. and the slut, she was worried she'd be a tad too slutty hahaha. too cautious there, cuz she looked fine. and man she could strut. well except for the random grimace.

so they felt powered up at St James at 11, after pondering on the many young punks and tipsy smokey miniskirties along the way. looked like the dyke-gay-slut troupe was the closest to recherche (yup this is the exact word) in the house. too late to catch the romping actions of the band but well, the dyke moved, the boy smoothed and the slut grooved it on and on. sexy!

and we totally loved the sleazing white light and the killing red shade. no rompy pick up actions as planned (by the dyke for the boy and the boy for the slut and the slut for the dyke). no housepour at all. the little gay boy reached home feeling so tamed and satisfied.

Paris je T'aime

2007-03-12T23:44:00.000+08:00

16... well didn't exactly count but a 4 by 4 collage of the separate love stories should give a 16, no? yup so Paris je T'aime paints up this picture of a city of bright lights, blind (literal and figurative) love and blinking (funny and nervous) laughs of vampiry make-out and old folky sweet nothings... a good two hours of reverie indulgence and floating contentment!

almost all food places closed by the time we savoured some "restroom orgasm" (maybe only me did)... afresco Coffee Club wasn't too bad. well except that Lusi was getting all hot hahaha. lobster linguini was good (right Sherly?)... just that now i feel Pasta Cafe serves better lobster pasta. anyway there was this cute (ugly but adorable) manager-cum-waitress who kept coming to us.

so that was how i spent my Monday, after playing audience to long hours of LTB presentation... i realize i'd always be in love with seafood... and i wanna visit Paris... pretty little place!

teeny whiny monotony

2007-03-10T20:57:00.001+08:00

and so my LTB group had a good day at the YMCA event. played with the kids. talked to the parents. distributed the booklets. the camcorder was with me. managed to capture camera shy smiles and role playing frolics. You Zi said we grade driven minds are losing the true sense of the project. well...

there was this volunteer at the centre. who never looked at the camera. and her name label read, NAT. isn't that like, my initials? so i was attracted by the coincidence, and the camera "contempt". we talked, and i was very tempted to tell her my name's NAT. hope i didn't zoom in on her too much.

i feel like registering as a volunteer at the centre. a lady asked if it was a one off visit. i didn't know what to say.

anyway today's monotony could kill. could've gone back to TJ for orientation night, but decided not to cuz i wanna study. i miss the little dates that make my days. my player's on The Lake House, and i miss Xin Yi. platonic thoughts.

[convicted]

2007-03-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

it was a good day for LTB. the trip to Rainbow Centre turned out so fine i thought of an A- grade, for a moment. but well it's a distant dream (not even reality). anyway we managed to distribute the booklets, yup! and had 2 interviews. AND we chanced upon a YMCA event that suits our purpose.

ooh today's International Women's Day! to all my ladies, have a happy day! Mom and Sis, Mrs Kubodera, Lusi, Michelle, Felicia, Janice, Sherly, Ying Herng, Jing Ting, Lan Anh, Yun Hui, Sarah, Xin Yi. and i nearly forgot today's Jing Li's birthday! happy birthday girl.

i met a friend. and i realize, yet again, that life is precious. not because there's too little time to breathe in the wonders of it. life is too fragile. shatterable. i'm so sorry Diana. and so i'm convicted. i'm sorry Mom and Sis. convict. music.

and i called home. when Mom messaged asking how i am. and whether i forgot today's March 8. seemed like i sounded sad. cuz she said so. it was weird how i didn't wish her anything until she asked for it. really weird. and she didn't know. that i cried on the phone. well i hope she didn't.

hopelessly hopeful

2007-03-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

seems like a good many are feeling down lately... school. friends. crush. relationship. typically teen! well i'm "in" for school and friends. though at times i miss the sensual excitement of feeling for someone, but that's a small thing. school's bad. and i haven't seen FRAB for a month.

been studying hard. but i still feel that i wouldn't make it. it's intuitively badder than the A levels. well just savaging whatever i could to cushion the fall as much as i can. proud to be a hopelessly hopeful. and i realize i really don't like it when i have to desperately be concerned about grades.

don't i love whining? well i do. Rajesh says blogs are good for self indulgence. he doesn't like the cyber culture. neither do i. but i love blogging now. an intimate way of self conversation. and here it goes:

Reading makes the broad man,

Speaking the ready man,

Writing the exact man.

Francis Bacon

musicking

2007-03-06T21:22:00.000+08:00

there was Impresario 2007, an arts production that kind of sucked (except Ah-licia). i wasn't too sure if some performers were singers or dancers. probably neither. and most of the dancers made better strippers; dressed to kill, but couldn't dance.

there was Stage It rehearsal. my first in like a month? 6 hours of workshop. and i realized how the same line could speak many shades of meaning. ooh and "subtext" = "buttsex". i think creative people are gonna have sex lives that sizzle. i'm gonna be the 8th sister's boyfriend.

there was hapy hour Chilli Paddy peranakan lunch buffet with Lusi. we both are tired. the SMU show must go on anyhow. hope she's feeling better now that Gaya's over. and there was Tuesday lunch with Michelle. here came the drama that kind of hurt.

there was LTB and RMSS and Psych and Microecon and COMM. i'm like a vacuum cleaner, diligently sucking in bits and pieces of stuffs that shouldn't have been left out in the first place. there was rain and pain. and i walked through it all. keep that up boy!

Tuan loves it when he gets to Pon De Replay!

untitled

2007-03-02T00:02:00.000+08:00

Googled out 3 searches during class, and the first returns were all on Wikipedia. we had the stone age, lived through the BC time, witnessed the Renaissance, advanced to the World Wars. and now it seems like we're in Wiki-world. ever wonder how we pulled through the pre-Wiki years?

it was a bad day. i was dead scared. and dejected. the return of non faith. the haunt that is out of proportion. it was me who fed its growth. and it's me who it's feeding on. right now.

you know how it sucks seeing something spiralling out of control and there's nothing you could do about it? well it sucks much more when you could do something about it but you haven't done anything about it.

argh i shouldn't sound like a total reject and get down to work instead! and yup, thanks so much, to those who care! you know who you are.

rendezvous

2007-02-28T16:38:00.000+08:00

NTU school of the arts is so cool. particularly the helical building embracing basement-to-rooftop grass exterior. like i could imagine all the night winding and grinding actions there. anyway it's so not easy to visually express emotions, especially when you are not supposed to be yourself.

and yet another random feat of Butter Factory. wasn't exactly the kind that sizzles and makes me wanna drop it bad. but it was hot anyhow. yup the girls were hot. a tinge of intoxicated indulgence that made me momentarily high, and stink.

some things make me think, why pretty girls are slutty just the right way and why boys turn jerks just as girls let them... girls don't like boys girls like cars and money. and girls with the bodies are like boys with Ferraris. ah Tuan wanna believe in a beautiful world that loves.

SMU news: a B for the second communication assignment. i'm so not gonna do well for this module. 50/100 for microeconomics midterm paper. a toast to me on the bright side of life, as i only attempted 50/100 marks. LTB isn't going well. and RMSS's been a static monument.

gonna take a nap now. and it must be a good one cuz i need it bad. well there's LTB meeting in the evening. at the expense of FRAB hours. that totally sucks.

11th hour update: was such a good nap i woke up late and joined the meeting an hour later. i must never club again. and hey i borrowed like 2 umbrellas today. fascinating ones.

Now

2007-02-24T01:59:00.000+08:00

i met Shirley at Tourism Court again... as caring and concerned as she could be... well either that or the work at STB has rubbed on her the generic hospitality that sells... oh well... either way, i feel guilty... so i have one month to make or break me.

and finally, Janice... the only close pal i hadn't met since my return from Ho Chi Minh, until tonight... the night was really levis' slim cut kind of tight; we only had like 25 minutes. she seemed sad though... ah i don't like that...

random meeting with Sarah... there was the loud and colourful and sensational Chingay Parade... wanted to get this green striped Pull and Bear T that "shows your arms, and makes your chest nice" (erm)... then chilling hours at The Balcony with Yong and Felix. pretty cool.

Tuan needs to do it. somehow. he has this 8 year self contract to look forward to. and he has a dream. which used to be desired reality. with a special someone. a dream that binds. Now.

another Oscar flick

2007-02-22T23:47:00.000+08:00

Chelle and me had our first date after what felt like months. yeah it was months; we last went out proper on National Day. to think we're both in SMU... anyway, i liked the way Chelle made me feel that i'm a much more fun person to be with than the mikish guy =)

we had a good lunch at Ichiban-sushi... the kind of food that makes my taste buds orgasmically high... weird that the pics of us don't look too good... the ambience was fine, and i didn't look that bad... maybe cuz of Chelle... yup i decide that she should look the way she did in TJ.

Letters from Iwo Jiwa... it's the kind of wartime intricacy of blinding despair and shattered hope... i like the way cowardice and courage, wisdom and insanity, and patriotism and treachery intertwine within a person... i like the way the directorship managed a microcosmic localisation of World War II into the barren island of Iwo Jiwa. reminds me of the excellent Downfall. Yet again the American enterprise triumphs over Japanese furious discipline and hardcore nationalism.

Tuan decides that he loves war epics! and ooh, the Yasukuni Shrine had a line in the movie. i once spoke against my LTB professor, who thought Mr Koizumi shouldn't have honoured the war dead at the controversial place...

and i realize studying overseas does deprive people of red hot opportunities. like the JAL scholarship that sends scholars to Japan for a 3 week exchange program.

casual musings

2007-02-21T16:42:00.000+08:00

Babel's Rinko Kikuchi commented on her nude scene in the movie, "Chieko had no other way of communication, and I felt her despair." the kind of perfect characterisation that makes her Japan's first Oscar nominee in 49 years! ah i wanna catch Babelic shows...

and i chanced upon this forum that discusses the world's economic order... fervent optimism on China's rise to become the largest economy by 2020... remember remember, the US was overwhelmed on how Germany and Japan would be the world's new economic powerhouse 15 years ago... America's not gonna fall any time soon.

“Why do you think some religions have regarded sex as sacred while others have regarded it as a sin?”, posted by Sally Quinn and Jon Meacham. hmm this sounds a bit manipulative to me... cuz even to one single religion sex could be both sacred and sinful, under differing circumstances...

to end it off, where in the world would toilet paper be more worth than bank notes? ladies and gentlemen, we're in a Zimbabwe that boasts a stratospheric 1600% inflation.

away from home

2007-02-20T01:16:00.000+08:00

it's three days into the new year... been funked up in old school late night bashing that burns deep into my sleep and wallet... well always wanna call home... wanna hear that voice of my sister, and know that Mom's fine... just that!

anyway i called a minute ago... Mom worked today, and i thought she wouldn't be home by midnight... apparently she'd been back since 8... i felt happy, as Mom sounded genuinely happy to hear my voice...

if only i could hang up right then... cuz i know as we talk on, i would be so guilt ridden i might just close my eyes and imagine myself in a far away land where i am understood... Mom said the same things that i once loved to hear... but cruelty seemed to creep in between the lines...

disclaimer: Mom loves me. the hurt isn't her intention... just that i've been this fucked up son who's been committing legally unwritten crimes against myself... and for that i gotta be strong and undo what's done...

In for a change, I am!

untraditionality

2007-02-18T12:38:00.000+08:00

we had a late dinner at this Hong Kong Cafe... was so hungry the bee hoon felt good for the first time... and it seemed like there were more servers than customers... yeah that'd make sense... who'd wanna be out last night when the best thing there could be was to be home? well... don't answer that!

we rolled and posed and cosed up at Clark Quay (yup, i was back in 24 hours)... and hit MOS... what to do when we wanted a seat, and MOS offered free entries before midnight... well the "seat" turned into the "beat" that spinned us round round... guys to girls ratio was like 10 to 1... i didn't mind though. it was budget clubbing so yeah, one Gin couldn't keep us going for long...

and so there were cute Japanese fashioned school boys that made Sherly high and feel paedophilic... there was a sexy young thing who kept the phone in between the cleavage... there were Malays and Indians; surprisingly the Chinese still outnumbered them all. probably homeless kids...

Tuan wanna be home for the New Year...

a friendly Valentine's

2007-02-17T11:11:00.000+08:00

i love my Friday night... had my virgin dinner at the Soup Spoon with Lusi... my tokyo chicken stew was so yummilicious i just loved it... and being the nice person i am, Lusi had a taste of it too... apparently her whatever soup was a disappointment... ooh and i loved my beef wasabi sandwich too.

we spent the next hours walking from City Hall to Parliament House to Clark Quay... across the S'pore River, where Q Bar aroused some personal feelings... ah ooh, the Cannery has this huge encompassing colour flashing thing that we called the Big Umbrella... simply mesmerizing especially when it flared up in purple.

and after shunning many hot spots (the Clinic was a turnoff to Lusi, and Fashion Bar was a tad too cacophonous for a chat, bla bla bla) we made a random turn to a cosy Asylum... ah it was THE time of THE night... i'd been waiting for the whole week for this, to not think about nothing and just enjoy with THE friend...

we were shameless camwhores who posed with retail Esprit shades... we both felt tipsy having sex on the beach and the signature S'pore Sling... i had the night of pure enjoyment despite a very bad start to the day, and Lusi had the best Valentine's present... i simply love the S'pore nightlife... wild and tamed... varied and constant...

it was New Year's Eve in Vietnam... and i had no idea... managed to make a quick call home (thanks to Thao's courtesy)... ah i miss my sister... she wished me cute little things, like i could look better... and the night took a random turn and i ended up at Mustafa Centre with the Viet group at SMU Residences... nice little beings with about to be adulterous minds...

Renaissance

2007-02-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm a survivor!

gone: long nights of endless worries on midterm papers and graded presentations and overloads of concurrent class readings and what not... and i'm unscathed, yup! well except for a few bruises: the looks are getting bad, and the hair's horrid.

I'm not a victor though...

ah i don't care... finally, i could shout out loud Renaissance once again... been two years since the word last meant heart and soul to me... tonight shall mark the Renaissance of my attitude, my mind, my body and my self... expect to be wowed! Renaissance!

somewhere... someone's listening to Oasis's Stand By Me... not my pick for the night though... i choose to celebrate My Love with Timberlake... Sleaze on boy!

Feb 14, 2007

2007-02-14T21:58:00.000+08:00

me and Sarah finally had our long overdue meeting... i had a haircut before lunch... she didn't laugh, though i looked totally funny (screw you cheena hairstylist)... i still love myself though =) anyway the Crystal Jade lunch was good... we caught up on our lives, detailedly and scrutinizingly, as usual...

and me and Lusi didn't have to meet for 5 minutes =) her class ended early so yeah, we had a bit more time for dinner... not much though... anyway, Pho Lan's menu was a bit pathetic... luckily the ambience was soothing (in lounge vietnam music + handicrafts + oil paintings + embroidery of sort).

yeah not too bad a day... though i'm still unhappy not Zouking tonight... but what to do, after 3 presentations and a midterm paper, i still have one more to get rid of tomorrow evening... and STB wanna see me again... shit... i'm feeling bad bad vibes about this... alright so what if i can't get 3.8... there's more to my life, yup!

Babel

2007-02-11T22:50:00.000+08:00

i know why Babel the movie is Babel... finally... the biblical story of the Tower of Babel, and the origin of languages... yup, that explains the romance behind the seemingly separate depictions of life in the show...

if the week's desirability is rated on the number of hours i spend at home and the number of meals i have by myself, and the higher of those the lower the desirability, this week's certainly the least desirable... but then, as Youngbloodz' Imma Shine beats out, who cares? i'm gonna get it and...

i realize almost everyone i know is feeling depressed and lonely... primary suspect: study! well there're times when i get too stressed out, and it's dangerous coming near trying to calm the irritable me down... right Sarah? thanks Eddie, for coming to me! (though you probably had nothing better to do)... and Chelle, the bitter Dars chocolate tastes just right...

and it's sad when you miss someone terribly and you can't let the person know.

Kryptonite

2007-02-10T21:29:00.000+08:00

Michelle came to visit the sick boyfriend today... she's such a sweet girlfriend (disclaimer: she's toxic too), getting the boy to eat and take his medicines (i wish somebody thought of this when i was sick) and getting him to bed too... hahaha...

and she was unusually nice to me too... got me a yummilicious piece of chocolate cake and a chocolate bar... though i felt sad at first cuz seemed like she forgot i don't like chocolate =) ooh i could promote Michelle to be my personal photographer. Here's why:

yup that's me in the home tee (it's my first ex's present) that seemed sloppy on me, yet looking gorgeous... the shades were Chelle's... she could be my wardrobe consultant too... though i don't like most of her stuffs hahaha...

i've been good... studying the day away... i feel more motivated to study... and i think i'm still smart... hopefully i could have faith in myself once again, and soon... and ooh, i wanna innocently shake that ass...

mindrocking on Kryptonite!

strings attached

2007-02-09T21:46:00.000+08:00

so we went down to Rainbow Centre... special schools that cater to autisic and Down Syndrome kids... there were malay and chinese kids who looked healthy cycling and saying hi and bye... there were special kids, frail and thin and soul-less (it kind of hurts having to use this word on them).

and the world seems to joke with me... passed by Balestier Special School (BSS) the other day... and i thought, how many of these there are... and how many kids there are in each of them... and LTB might be good cuz without this module we wouldn't have done our parts. anyway turned out that BSS's under Rainbow Centre... so we're helping it too... wow...

no sucker for grades but yeah, sometimes grade works... like LTB grade that makes the selfish us selfless, for 3.5 months... or like participation grade that forces people to speak up... it works cuz over time they would be more confident voicing their thoughts...

and i'm attached... to RMSS and Microeconomics... gruesome week... Beyonce gotta Ring The Alarm... yuppers!!! [copyrighted by -rah-]

limerick

2007-02-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

once upon a time there lives a boy

hyped up in life's incessant noise

and dreamy in wonderland

where his love shines.b

but yet awaken from falling poise...

Anh Tuan

first limerick of the year... just feel like having deep artistic thoughts on the self... well it's a Thursday night, and i said no to so many temptations which usually invoke an easy yes from the boom boom me... ah i feel motivated to study... i hope i feel like this always... like a silly boy having a crush on his primary school classmate... chaste and innocent...

argh Anh Tuan's dead tired... worse than sick... don't even feel like going to the restroom for a pee though the bladders are reaching their maximum... yet another tight week and it's getting harder and harder to breathe... missed Stage It... and probably would miss it again next week for a midterm paper...

blasting Chamillionaire's Peepin' Me!

unwritten

2007-02-07T22:44:00.000+08:00

TJC language fair... particularly drawn to the last two skits, on Elitism and Academic and Social Pressures... the kids acted well (shame on me)... and they speak good too... and yeah, the world's really full of elitist filth who live on by feeding the rotting facades... but i dont mind... they make a world a fun place.

Gaya and me talked... finally... had the typical inevitable exchanges with dear Rajesh and Kwan and Norsheha... then we strutted our stuffs (mostly hers) across the sports complex... ah nostalgia in the both of us; our glam TJ days...

seems like people are not as rotten as i think... there's still plenty of morality and dignity in the world... reality check! Anh Tuan's a good boy who sins. and he refuses to be consumed in finger licking good lust.

well except when the temptation's totally hot. yup absolutism is never true anyway. exceptions are a mantra... save for the case of deaths and love...

anyway, i've recovered from the mindfucking emo nemo state of mind of last night... the world doesn't turn against me... it's me who turn against the world... sorry Mom! if only you knew your pretty son cried loud and clear in the silent night.

soapbox

2007-02-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

thinking about home... somehow it's not as sweet... same place, same people, but different emotions... little support and understanding... plenty of expectations and imposed values... seems like they are here only when i succeed... if i fail, it's gonna be hell... and the thought of the family against me during shower just now kind of numbed my senses...

and school... biggest challenge is time management... not any of the five modules i'm taking... not money... nothing but time management... i think it's just me who can't get things done... Sherly said she could slack the week off and study over the weekend and still get things done... here i am, trying to work day and night and little is done...

and life... one minute it's the brightest day of the year and the other i'm all depressed thinking satanic thoughts and contemplating self destruction... and i can't stop... well there are nice little things, like the Stage It photo shoot just now, that made me feel a bit helpful to life... but there are mindfucking itches that haunt me at night. argh!

Anh Tuan's this good boy who sins!

Tuan & Co

2007-02-04T13:23:00.000+08:00

been fucked with this bad bad cough for a week. a week, and to think that i was hardly sick at all through the 5 years here. it's so bad that my body hurts and my head aches and my neck pains and my throat burns. and to think the pretty doctor said everything was fine, and i've been taking medicines for 4 days.

anyway the past week was a typical SMU & Tuan week; unending meetings that overlapped, overload of due assignments and, of course, Tuan & Co having fun. maybe the only unusual thing was the psychology mid term paper, which i seriously studied for (not synonymous with efficiency though).

and it was certainly a quirky week with bizarre stuffs... like how i had to drop my pants 3 times in less than a half hour, and drop it like it's hot. well long story... or how i was puzzled not knowing why there was such an exodus of Indians right in Orchard, until i realized it was Thaipusam.

and i met up with my vietnam high school pals (who i'd known for barely a month). somebody could seriously talk more than me. and somehow i felt mature being with them. and oh we did amazing things, like supper in Chinatown. and we caught Babel late into the night (or early in the morning).

Babel is a must watch. a labyrynth of life. a reality of surface animals and human at heart. a love that loves right at life and death moments. a simple life that turned a little too complicated, and tragic. a happy struggle that didn't have a happy ending. and yeah, the stupid cough that jerked my body every second of the show. fuck it!

my second birthday dinner

2007-02-01T20:42:00.000+08:00

it was amazing... like the other birthday dinners we've had... Hog's Breath Cafe steaks should be a must try... Jamaican chicken wasn't as exotic to the taste buds as the name suggested though... well i wasn't particularly happy with the service though... felt neglected at times... hmm...

and it was our first exclusive meeting after 4 eventful weeks... everyone had something to say... caring and loving, shocking and irritating, and what not... sometimes i just wanna stay quiet and listen to them and feel the affection we share with each other... man, this is unusually mushy...

and the presents that made me smile... 2 T shirts... a pair of toe socks... and the sexiest of TopMan boxers... had a look at my wardrobe and decided that i should invest in green stuffs... coming to like the colour... just a jinx that the camera battery went flat after a few shots... damn, CHIJMES was the perfect camwhore spot...

good food... good stories... and above all, incomparable company... i was with the people who mean most to me here... thank you k... for spending the night with me after such a long and tiring day :) by the way, it was full moon...

prelude

2007-01-31T18:32:00.000+08:00

bad cough... i felt the symptomes for days... thought occasional deep throat activities would do no harm... until this morning... bad cough... seriously, it's irritating... the itch... it's a chore to go to the doctor's... especially when i'm not feeling feverish...

anyway... there was Patron's Day on Monday... dinner at Pasta Cafe on Tuesday... and a missed class today... spent the day writing on "Why should others be led by you? And what does leadership mean to you?" and coughing...

if you're good in bed you're bad in bed... and you're good in bed when you're bad in bed... it was a random line on the phone last night... and i thought it might sound a tad bit like a tongue twister... probably the sexiest one... hmm...

yeah, FRAB hours in 30 minutes... my second birthday dinner, and it's legitimate for us to be posh and camwhore and laugh the night away... just that i can't have fried stuffs and sweet desserts... hmm... Lusi says it's bad for the sore throat... damn...

peaceful Sunday

2007-01-28T19:03:00.000+08:00

i met Lusi for a brief while in the morning... so morning my body wasn't in control... anyway it'd been a week since we last met... i told her everything that happened, since Wednesday... felt good speaking it all out... and felt like a total piece of shit too...

the day's peaceful... i spent the rest of the morning and the entire afternoon in bed... despite the urgent call of Psych... despite the need for some LTB correspondence... despite the pouting tummy... despite the peaceful day...

I'm up... dinner with Eddie awaits...

sometimes i wonder if i could ever be a good boy and study the way i want to (or rather, the way i have to)... it's been too happening... i need to be comfortable with sitting right at my desk and being best friend with the books...

Bring me to life!

just me

2007-01-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

SMU's been hell... loads of project work... loads of homework... loads of stress... i can't believe my wednesday was for LTB meeting instead of FRAB hours... and it was supposed to be my second birthday dinner... man...

that's why i'm glad i joined them all after LTB meeting... Butter Factory was a blast... mind blowing and body grooving music... and kinky cronies who downed my favourite drinks with me... i wasn't human... i was an animal on the floor... and thing is, i like it that way; the humiliating night wilderness.

i'm in dangerous waters... and fucking hell... i like it...

anyway i received a long overdue letter... touching words that mean less than what they should...

let's talk about nice little things in my life... Sarah really is so mysteriously connected to me... like, we were working at Times... hahaha... and all her dates seem to be in my world... somehow... the world's small :) and welcome to my life!

the muse-um

2007-01-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

language is powerful... words could hypnotise and shape our beliefs... and right could be made wrong... i guess nobody wants to be manipulated... but we all are... it's like the writer's a puppet master brilliantly pulling the invisible strings on us puppets... grammar's static; language lives... and what's alive could be really lethal...

speaking of which, it feels like my English's getting substandard... somehow i don't feel "it" very much... i don't know what "it" is... but i know "it" makes me feel good when it comes to English... "it" is perhaps just feelings... by the way, this is no cause for anyone to joke on my language... mind you!

anyway, had lunch with Michelle today... it'd been sooo long... seems to me that friendship could really be unfathomable... we could so close and so far... and we could always get close yet again... i hope we stay the way we are...

paid a visit to the National Museum of S'pore... the History Gallery's so huge it took us hours to cover just half of it... definitely better than the Arts Museum... about The Mutiny... i love history... and the Singa Merlionus... which i thought existed...

we took our time during dinner... was probably my hugest Magic Wok meal... been eating lots... to make up for my lost charm... last night's fried prawn fusilli at Spagheddies was ethereal to the senses... i love good food...

contradictions

2007-01-21T17:35:00.000+08:00

this is probably the baddest week in the new year... no break, and i felt close to breaking point... i needed sleep, yet had the least hours on bed... i'm usually good in bed, could sleep for like 20 hours straight... but not this week... it was bad, and good... sometimes i don't mind suffering to see how much i could take.

Stage It's "I know who you did last Christmas" was fun =) my girlfriend brought me home for Christmas dinner... then she found out that i'd slept with her mom last christmas... then her mom discovered that i had sex with her husband last christmas too. and i loved my Cognitare group... we had everything, sharp brains and pretty faces...

anyway...

Hillary Clinton's running for the White House in 2008... i'm excited... and i was just as excited reading about Barack Obama, a black senator who's so on the rise he might declare his candidacy too... the first white woman or the first coloured man to be in the Oval Office? well it could be another white man cuz them Democrats can't run against each other.

World Economic Forum in Switzerland... the pro globalisation contingent is to hold talks in deluxe ballrooms in one of the world's richest countries... World Social Forum in Kenya... people are going to oppose globalisation outdoor, in a land where 18 million live on less than 1 US dollar a day...

private emotions

2007-01-20T21:39:00.000+08:00

this is one of those times when i feel that there's more to life than the relentless routine of school and work. this is when i feel that every one of us is just another being conditioned to enter the the rat race that never ends until the day we die. and there's a reason why no one on his deathbed would say, "i wish i'd spent more time in the office."

i guess i've had it all, the extremities of feelings... i've loved, and lost, people who i thought i could never live without... i've heard words that mean forever and always, and i've come to know forever and always don't mean forever and always... people say time heals everything... i'd say, time disperses everything, people, memories...

it's strange how people are away from each other when they live and come together when one dies... it's strange how i don't love those who mean most to me when i'm with them only to realize, when i'm not with them, that i love them... it's strange how i always wanna be with my loved ones, and yet i wanna achieve things that keep me away from them...

i pray every night that everyone's fine... i pray that it'd not be too late to be with my family and my love and my friends... i pray that even though i'm not with them, i'm not without them... i pray that school's fine so that i could meet up with my friends more often... ahhh stupid Lan Anh makes me think too much... shouldn't have chatted with her for 5 hours...

Tabula Rasa

2007-01-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

it was a very packed day... not even a minute to spare... from am to pm... wasn't the latest night out but at least i'd always had some space in between stuffs to like be narcissistic and dress up... hmm...

seemed like a school timetable wasn't enough for me... i spent an hour before sleep last night planning out a detailed weekly schedule... like when to do what... so that i'd have ample time to prepare for classes... and i realize study on its own would take up 90% of my time... well i'm gonna be a good boy and not miss any other class... at least not because i oversleep... and if i ever happen to oversleep, i'd make sure i arrange for a make-up lecture...

Psych class was good... Tabula Rasa, which means "born bare naked", speaks the scientific belief that all behaviours are learnt... and i think J. B. Watson's social engineering would certainly irk LKY and his eugenics ideal...

anyway, i had like 4 meals today... and snacks in between... constantly felt hungry... then i realized it wasn't hunger... but a malicious tummy ache that wouldn't subside no matter how much i ate... a bit worried... wonder if it's the consequence of my persistent poor dieting habits... hmm...

FRAB hours :) Vil'age was fine... except that i couldn't taste any smoked salmon in my crepes... and we sure had nasty fun together, FRAB and the boy... finger guessing seemed a perennial jinx to Brian and Richard hahaha... i love everyone...

1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12

2007-01-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

Lusi made me think about the closest girl friends that i have today. and i thought about it. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7 in S'pore and 8. 9. 10 in Vietnam and 11 in Australia and 12 in the US. hope i didn't miss out any significant one.

1.2.3.4.5.6.7 have come into my life. one by one. doing all the shit for me, as well as to me. they might not always be there. but i believe they're here to stay, right in my heart. i don't often tell them how important they have become to me. wouldn't be a surprise if some people don't even know they're one of the numbers.

8.9.10 are probably the only people who've been in my life since i was still bedwetting and unaware of the existence of underwears. we might not talk for an entire year. we don't give birthday presents. and we do swear at each other. feelings rise and fall, matter of fact. and just as matter-of-factly, we're best buddies.

11 was my old-time crush. who'd become my soulmate after only 4 weeks in school. we've met 5 times since 2001. hope i'm right... 12 was an underappreciated freak who used to follow me everywhere i went and in whatever i did. she's now enjoying the hard life in the US. till we meet again...

1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12. seemingly meaningless arithmetic numbers that bring to my world the experience i could die for. thank you! i really do! and i just realize, there's 13.14.15 as well. i'm still thinking... complicated anomalies...

nasty weekend

2007-01-14T19:23:00.000+08:00

i hate waking up late and rushing onto the jammed roads to the National Stadium on Saturday. missed the Vietnam anthem. felt bad to the guys for making them miss it too. well my first time in a stadium watching soccer. and there was no goal. and i was more interested in my chat with Thinh. though i did occasionally tear out my lungs and throat screaming. anyway, when i told my mom i was catching the game live, she asked, "which team are you supporting?"

i love Geylang... gotta come there more often... it's sizzling hot... i mean, the food and the "ambience"... just that i can't take too much beer... damn... was looking gorgeously pink by the time i got home...

i hate time differences... can't chat with people in the US and the UK often at all... Lan Anh came online at about 5am this morning... somehow i woke up... but chose to continue with my much needed sleep after replying her, "i'm online sleeping."

i love economics and GP tuition... i love economics S paper... i want more economics and GP people...

anyway, felt like a trance... bewildered in sassy thoughts that must be damned...

Taboo!

2007-01-13T16:14:00.000+08:00

perhaps i should just stick to dancing... drama might not be my thing... i don't know... it takes more than just a pretty face and shamelessness to be on stage... and i seem to only have a pretty face and shamelessness...

anyway, every module has project work, except psychology (which doesn't need project work to be any more demanding)... and all my project groups are sort of random... seems like i'm not as smart as i'd like to think i am... kind of failed my first write up exercise for Comm... erm!

the daughter came yesterday... we started off in a Taboo way... then Cathay Arcade for table hockey... was nice enough to let her win everything... One Last Dance the movie seemed like a hybrid of "Collateral and Kungfu Hustle"... it was my first date with a Viet girl (well discounting the TJ time with Lan Anh)...

and it's off my mind, finally... at least i got it started... Shirley was nice (and she's pretty too)... i pray for myself... and FRAB're probably praying for me too... and Lusi... and those who know...

Thank you!

2007-01-10T23:04:00.000+08:00

I have been good. I have been going to school on time. and i don't have to call my friends to ask where the class is. seems like i'm gonna love Communication Study... there's an anomaly of Microeconomics... it's the only thing that i'm not interested in so far...

received a call from STB and i understood how no news is good news... it's nobody's fault... it's still unfair that i have to take the toll though... i should have listened to Lusi and not moved into SMU hostel... as if i wasn't already in a mess... totally ruined my pretty mood...

that's why i wanna thank FRAB and FRAB's girlfriend so much... for the dinner that cheered me up... for Seah Street Deli was a great place... for the games... for listening to my love life and, of course, for the sassy photos we took =) i love Wednesdays!

anyway, i cleaned up the room today... and did my laundry (it still costs a bomb)... took some real effort to finally see my table top and walk the clean floor :) oh thank you Sherly, for Friends :)

if today's the first day of the rest of my life...

2007-01-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

first Leadership and Team Building (LTB) class... seems like the meaning of the word "leader" is severely depressed... the way it is in class, Oxford dictionary should have the addition of "superleader" to credit people like Winston Churchill and Nelson Mandela... well i hope i like the class anyhow.

just had dinner with Jing Ting... like all our other meetings, we talked about relationships and love... and sex and petting, this time... she made me miss Xin Yi so much... anyway, though she was an hour late, i was thankful that she came all the way from NTU... she liked the food at Song Trang... yayness!

"hey... i really like talking to u, cos u never fail to enable me to know more about stuff n sometimes even myself. i know ur not going thru an easy time now, but just wanna encourage u to do the right thing, though it won't be easy. but u've matured a lot. so i'm sure u know what to do. take care."

if today's the first day of the rest of my life, i'm in real trouble... and Michelle's sick... Eddie's sick... and me too... hmm...

my first 20th birthday dinner

2007-01-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

we met at about 6 plus... it was a busy day and i was a few minutes late, and Lusi was all waiting. still too early for dinner so we window shopped at Raffles City and commented on the funny things we saw (like the naked mannequin with the bulge).

Lusi picked the restaurant this time. Sun Japanese Dining at CHIJMES was beyond my prettiest and poshest expectations for the dinner; the service was fine... the ambience felt exquisite to the soul... and the food once again epitomised the uncompromised quality of japanese smack and appetizing delivery...

Lusi had salmon kamaneshi, and me kani and karasumi kamaneshi, some snow crab stuff which felt like prawns at first... we had uji macha mini parfait for dessert... green tea and sweet bean stuffs... in all, a microcosmic extravaganza of taste :)

oh just a little sidetrack, there was this waitress who happened to have just graduated from TJ and she recognized me there. we had quite a chat just before we took our leave.

the ambience was so fine we decided to have a drink before leaving... i had most of the jim beam and vodka stolich cuz Lusi didn't drink much... Capella closed pretty early... and i was looking pink again.

i was happy. thank you Lusi!

first school week

2007-01-05T21:25:00.000+08:00

just came back from the first meeting for Stage It 2007 production... seems like the cast's gonna be real huge... and you know what Angeline, the director said the script's gonna be adapted to the context of Ipoh =) how coincidental!

Lusi's taking some course on counseling... and i'm like her test subject, as she says she's supposed to help someone achieve one particular goal... and mine's to get a GPA of 4.0 this semester. she's gonna fail =)

Research Methods for Social Sciences and Introduction to Psychology are pretty cool... social enough not to bore me, and science enough to keep me human. just a matter, statistics is back, though this time an elusive force just tangible enough for me to feel the heat.

i realize i need an alarm clock, a finance manager and a study enforcer. any volunteer?

Horoscope

2007-01-04T02:07:00.000+08:00

Don't fret about the recent downturn in your social and/or love life -- it is actually a blessing in disguise. Now you've finally got the time your subconscious truly needs to take stock of what has been going on in your life. There's been more bubbling under the surface than you realize, and you have got to mull a few things over. This quieter time will help coax those deeper thoughts off your mental back burner and up front where they belong right now.